polly wanna cracker

So I'll be meeting a new group of people when I play golf this weekend and invariably someone will try to generate some conversation by asking me " so what do you do for a living" which is a question that I really hate.

On a general level it tends to be a shitty question to ask someone because regardless of what they do, you're going to have some preconceived notion about them as a person based on their occupation. That notion may or may not be accurrate...who the fuck knows...which is why it's inherantly a shitty question to ask.

On another level, maybe the guy has a shitty job...or maybe he's recently lost his job. Then you're really fucked aren't you ?

Also consider this. Since he's told a billion people what his job is...and you've probably only met, like, two people with his job, no matter what question you ask or comment you make, it's going to to be totally fucking boring. It's like when I knew this hot chick named Polly. Drunk guy after drunk guy would walk up to her, ask her name, and then say, " haha...like Polly wanna cracker" and then laugh hysterically while their chances of getting laid flew right out the window.

Now my situation in particular is rather strange. First of all, I find my job title to be totally ambiguous and provides little indication of what the hell I do. Secondly, trying to explain what I do is pretty much impossible. I usually settle for something like " city manager" as that most closely describes the job and doesn't invoke 100 other awkward questions. But invariably the conversation eventually works its way around to the thing that bugs me the most about telling people what I do....and that is that the bitch to me. Well usually they bitch to me.....occassionally the bitch AT me. Problems with their neighbor, problems with their taxes, problems with their police...bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch. All this bitching is probably theraputic for them, but for me it's like being right back at work. Now if it's really a topic that I could offer some assistance, it's not too bad, but that's rarely the case.

So I've decided for now on I'm lying.

I'm going to make up some shit that should size-up the conversational skills of the other person right there and then. I'll going to with " I am the janitor of the local elementary school" which I think is perfect. It's perfect because I happen to think that a fan-fucking-tastic job that is totally underrated and is unfairly disrespected. Better yet, it's a good litmus test for whom I'm dealing with. If the dude gulps his drink and hustles away, then I know I'm dealing with a pompus ass...good riddance. If I get a guy who's follow up question somehow involves that sawdust you throw on top of kids vomit, then I know I have a keeper worth buying a second round with.

The other option I had been considering was that I'm a documentary film maker. I was going to be working on a film about the sexual practices of transiants called " hobo sexual". That was going to be the working title...the final title was going to be hashed out in screening. I decided not to pursure that line of work after googling hobo sexual and finding this . Apparently someone has already beaten me to the punch. I also saw that www.hobosexual.com is a website as well, but I was too creeped out to click on that link.

Speaking of jobs and such. I'm a huge fan of PCNs Tours. That's a show I can't believe isn't nationally syndicated. http://www.pcntv.com/tours.htm Here's the show in a nutshell

What is PCN Tours?From museums to manufacturing, we have it covered. Come take a tour and learn more about what makes this Commonwealth a great place to live and work. Each tour is led by a representative of the facility, allowing the viewer to experience television unscripted! “PCN Tours” airs daily 7:00 a.m. and 6:00 p.m. with a premiere televised every Sunday at 8:00 p.m.

This week's shows include
Paul Downs CabinetmakersBridgeport, PA
Victory BrewingDowningtown, PA
Woods FlooringChambersburg, PA
Just Born CandyBethlehem, PA
Fleetwood Folding CampersSomerset, PA

I'm thinking of starting a business just to get on the show.