For reasons not worthy of explination I attended a gang educational seminar at the local elementary school. As we were told, " It's never too early to prepare you kids for the dangers out there." which I roughly translate to mean, " Its never too early to freak out a bunch of suburban upper middle class white soccer moms."
Lets be real. By definition, the child of anyone attending that meeting is already at low risk.....well with the exception of my kids I suppose. In a community of less than 5% minority representation and household incomes over 70K you don't need gang seminars. Now you probably do need a symposium titled " Why my husband surfs internet porn " or " What to do when Mommy is whacked on Prozac and is banging our Mexican gardener" but that's a discussion for another day.
Anyway, what made the entire experience particularly entertaining for me personally was the the squareness of it all. Some local detective got up and warned the masses against the evils of gangs, this scarey evil thing called MYSPACE, and vicious gangsta rappers like Ice-T. ICE fucking T ?!?!? Ice-T is on Law and Order for christsake...hes a GRANDPA ! And this Tupac fellow is quite shady apparently...oh how so 90's.
The grand finale of it of course was a 3 minute slideshow presentation of pictures and myspace pages of " actual local teens " !!! My god ! Actual local teen gang memebers being outted. After this I swear Im getting a cell phone with a camera built in. The three minutes that followed were like a Eminem look alike pagent. Goofy ass white nerds, standing in front of their Dad's middle aged crisis Mustang, with a blunt hanging out of their mouths, holding a BB gun and flashing 'gang signs'.
I am just so greatful that my picture didn't show up.