Friday, August 08, 2008

A reasonable idea

So I came up with the idea for the shows "The Contender" and " The Ultimate Fighter". Social networking sites...I had that one years ago. When I was 9 I invented the turn signal that turned itself off ( although I was saddened to find that one had been around for about 25 years already).

In recent years I've been working on this idea of putting the shortstop between the pitcher and the catcher to obscure the view of the batter. When I inquire about any rule prohibiting such actions I just get funny looks and comments like, " There probably NOT a rule because nobody would be that stupid". I think those people underestimate both my genius and ballplayers stupidity/courage. In any case, even Edison had his detractors.

Which leads us to a discussion of last night which brought about a very reasonable idea...what if we started teaching high school kids how to not be morons.

(OK, that might be harsh...and impractical...I mean we're not miracle workers.)

What I mean is that society used to have support systems that have largely eroded in modern society. There was a time when a mother would teach a daughter how to cook, what to expect during pregnancy, or the fact that the quickest way to get a man to do what you want is an unexpected handjob ( ok, not MY Mom, but probably your Mom). A time when fathers would teach a son to throw a ball, how to haggle over the price of a car, or where the hide all the parts left over after you've built the grill.

But there was also the larger support structure when people would learn either how to do stuff or who to ask when it came to mortgages, dealing with local government issues, how to deal with house maintenance issues, money management.

And finally, there was enough common culture and community where people felt compelled to act civilly toward each other...more than that, there was a formal and accepted way to deal with each other. People shared certain verbal and non-verbal cues that prevented interactions from escalating to the point of chasing someone around their yard with a snow shovel. The constraints of society that went out the window over the last 30 years as being too formal or unnecessary, IMO actually served a practical purpose.

Here's an analogy that might make my point....

When I play poker with people for the first time I go over a few rules that I view as essential
* keep you bet in front of you and don't throw it into the middle of the table
* The dealer should deal the same way every time...burn-don't burn-whatever, just be predictable
* do not talk about the current hand while its going on

and there are a couple more, but you get the point.

Invariably, the first time around everyone breaks these rules and I have to go through the whole thing again. Predictably, next time around it starts up again and then I just let it go. In almost every instance, either someone acts out of turn or can't figure out what their bet is or some other sort of disagreement breaks out and people suddenly realize WHY I asked that we follow prescribed rules and see the inherent benefits of commonly accepted behavior. Then once everyone is on board we can enjoy the game without any distractions, arguments, or bad feelings.

What high school kids really need is someone sitting at the poker table telling them how to play.

Stuff like:
- When you show up to an interview, don't wear ripped jeans
- When you're approaching an interchange on the turnpike, move to the left lane and make room for merging traffic
- Don't fucking talk on your cell phone in a way that includes everyone within 200 yards on the results of your gonorrhea test.
- When you cross the street, move your fat ass
- When you make $8.50 an hour, 900 anytime minutes and new sneakers might not be the most prudent investment strategy
- Subway charging you for onions and you not getting said onions is not an offense worthy of a 911 call
- If you drive through a neighborhood with kids at 80 miles an hour, talking on your cell phone, with your subwoofer blaring a song about 'fucking da bitches'...don't be surprised when you find your tires flat and three pounds of dog shit under your passenger seat

I'm sure the list can go on. I suggest starting it freshman year with the hope that you'd be able to get most of it in.

1 comment:

Burt Friggin' Hoovis said...

Here's what you should invent next: One of those shock dog collars that's hooked to a adjustable decibel meter that you can make your kids wear.

Just don't tell anyone that you've invented it.

I'll buy three.

Thanks,
Burt