The kid's got skills

I'm coaching flag football. We have one kid...every team has one kid...who has no idea how to play. Somehow the kid who doesn't know how to play is the same one who raises his hand to ask 100 inappropriate questions.

me: "This that's the play we're going to run...does anyone have any questions ?"

Kid: "My Mom makes me call her new friend Uncle Jack, but he's not really my Uncle. Do you think that bothers my real Uncle ?"

me (frantic): "...ABOUT THE PLAY !!!...does anyone have any questions about THE PLAY !"

Yesterday there were no port-o-pots so we asked the kids before the game, " Does anyone have to go ?" Unanamously no one had to go.

5 minutes into the game I get a tug on my sleave, " Sir ?"...he calls everyone taller than him "Sir" like that chick who follows around Peppermint Patty. " Sir, I have to go to the bathroom."

" Can you hold it, the game just started ?"

" Ummm, yes"

We went all the way through half-time and started into the third quarter when I got another tug, " Sir I have to go to the bathroom"

" Kid we just ended halftime...why didn't you go then ? Can you hold it ?"

" Ummmm, I don't think so. I really really have to go."

So while the other coach took care of the team I ran the kid off to some bushes, " OK go here."

" Are you sure this is ok ?"

" Yeah kid hurry up", not only did I have to get back to the game, but as a general principal I don't like to find myself in the bushes with a little kid and his pants down.

" Ok sir", and the little kid pulled his tighty-whiteys down and started peeing.

I had my back turned watching the game and heard what sounded like a garden hose. I turned around a bit to see what could only be describe as a yellow version of the St. Louis Arch. The tiny little 3'6" kid was peeing OVER a 6 foot bush.

" HOLY SMOKES KID !"

" Yeah sir, I said I really had to go"

The boy continued like that for another minute before I finally gave up, " I gotta get back to the game. When you're done, clean yourself up and come back to the sideline.

" Ok sir", and I left him standing there like the Fountain of Trevi.