Tuesday, September 01, 2009
relationship...isn't that cute
ESPN reported that Leipheimer's relationship with Lance Armstrong had played a major role in his decision to sign with RadioShack
Friday, August 28, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Its over, start learning Mandarin
So sad I can't help laughing.
This is Sheila Jackson Lee, the Congresswoman who asked if the Mars rover could go over and take a look at where the astronauts planted the flag....who complained the Hurricanes were never named after African-Americans.... and who recently got popped for using public funds to attend the Michael Jackson memorial....
talking with ...
Greta Von Sustren...who's the only woman I've ever felt comfortable describing with the word 'douche'....
about S.J Lee talking on the phone at a public meeting ( I"m sure you've all seen the clip of that )
Anyway, you gotta check this out. Von Sustren uses the word " dis " a couple times, totally because she's talking to a black person. S.J.L. apparently hasn't been in touch with 'the people' in quite a while as she has no idea what "dis" means...and the two of them blather on in the most surreal way.
This is Sheila Jackson Lee, the Congresswoman who asked if the Mars rover could go over and take a look at where the astronauts planted the flag....who complained the Hurricanes were never named after African-Americans.... and who recently got popped for using public funds to attend the Michael Jackson memorial....
talking with ...
Greta Von Sustren...who's the only woman I've ever felt comfortable describing with the word 'douche'....
about S.J Lee talking on the phone at a public meeting ( I"m sure you've all seen the clip of that )
Anyway, you gotta check this out. Von Sustren uses the word " dis " a couple times, totally because she's talking to a black person. S.J.L. apparently hasn't been in touch with 'the people' in quite a while as she has no idea what "dis" means...and the two of them blather on in the most surreal way.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Who's going with me ?
GEORGE “THE ANIMAL” STEELE COMING TO CLIPPER MAGAZINE STADIUM
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
The no-holds barred wrestler famous for biting his opponents and eating turnbuckles is paying a visit to Clipper Magazine Stadium. George “The Animal” Steele will be a special guest for the Barnstormers’ game against the Bridgeport Bluefish on Aug. 26 at 7:05 p.m.
Steele, who was elected to the Professional Wrestling Hall of Fame in 2005, will be signing autographs, taking photos and throwing out a ceremonial first pitch. There will also be a meet and greet with fans in one of the stadium’s luxury boxes.
Steele retired as a full-time wrestler in 1989, although he has made cameo appearances through the years. During his heyday, he was best known for his flying hammerlock move and the Neanderthal persona he created as part of his act inside the ring. The Florida resident has a Master’s degree from Central Michigan and has dedicated his post-wrestling life to fighting dyslexia and Chrohn’s Disease.
Tickets are still available for this one-of-a-kind event. Just log onto www.lancasterbarnstormers.com, call 717-509-HITS or visit the Clipper Magazine Stadium box office during regular business hours.
Monday, August 17, 2009
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I took one too many sleeping pills and drank a beer last night.
Now I"m filling my gullet with coffee and letting them battle it out.
I've been in the paper like 7 days in a row now and not once has it been for assaulting someone. I'm saving that for keeping the streak alive.
Big meeting today at 1:30. Hopefully the sleeping pills, beer, and coffee will have sorted itself out by then. Its really hard to negotiate from a position of strength when you've passed out and shit yourself.
Now I"m filling my gullet with coffee and letting them battle it out.
I've been in the paper like 7 days in a row now and not once has it been for assaulting someone. I'm saving that for keeping the streak alive.
Big meeting today at 1:30. Hopefully the sleeping pills, beer, and coffee will have sorted itself out by then. Its really hard to negotiate from a position of strength when you've passed out and shit yourself.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Head down
Wish I had something interesting to tell but its been a heads down grind all week.
I'll see what I can do about that tonight and tommorrow. Maybe I'll finish with a fury.
I'll see what I can do about that tonight and tommorrow. Maybe I'll finish with a fury.
Friday, August 07, 2009
Nationalized Health Care
In an odd series of events I just noticed the following.
This is the the Rod of Asclepius.
Asclepius was the son of Apollo and was the practicioner of medicine in Greek Mythology. The symbol represents healing.
This is the Caduceus
Thisis a symbol of Greek god Hermes the messenger of the gods, guide of the dead and protector of merchants, shepherds, gamblers, liars and thieves. This represents theft, commerce, deception and death.
Interestingly in the United States, somehow, these two symbols were switched. The end result is that in America, the Caduceus symbol for theft, deception, death and commerce is now the symbol for medicine.
Perhaps even more remarkable is that we're able to trace the source of this confusion. The "patient zero" of symbolic misuse. I present to you...
The U.S. Army Medical Corps Branch Plaque. The 1902 adoption of the caduceus for U.S. Army medical officer uniforms popularized the symbol throughout the medical field in the US.
This is the the Rod of Asclepius.
Asclepius was the son of Apollo and was the practicioner of medicine in Greek Mythology. The symbol represents healing.
This is the Caduceus
Thisis a symbol of Greek god Hermes the messenger of the gods, guide of the dead and protector of merchants, shepherds, gamblers, liars and thieves. This represents theft, commerce, deception and death.
Interestingly in the United States, somehow, these two symbols were switched. The end result is that in America, the Caduceus symbol for theft, deception, death and commerce is now the symbol for medicine.
Perhaps even more remarkable is that we're able to trace the source of this confusion. The "patient zero" of symbolic misuse. I present to you...
The U.S. Army Medical Corps Branch Plaque. The 1902 adoption of the caduceus for U.S. Army medical officer uniforms popularized the symbol throughout the medical field in the US.
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Sad, but not surprising
http://raincoaster.com/2009/08/05/george-sodinis-blog-the-plan/
At the risk of catching your ire I'm going to say that I'm not all that surprised that this incident happened. Obviously its tragic, and obviously the guy who did it is a twisted prick. My point is, he's not the only twisted prick.
Its not worth laying down the full extent of an argument, even if I had one that was more than a series of passing observations, but I will point out that:
- We live in a commercialize, media riddled society that has convinced everyone that getting laid is perhaps the most/ only important thing in the world.
- All other objects and goals in the pursuit of getting laid are shown to be fulfilling no matter how arbitrary or contrived that they are. Hell, if you believed what you see on TV ( and you're supposed to) washing your hair with the right shampoo gives you an orgasm. That's going to leave a lot of shampoo customers disappointed.
- We have a system of largely un-defined/over define/and contrarily defined gender roles. For white males, that's compounded by the MSNBCs of the world telling you that you're an evil bastard and part of the problem and the FOXNews of the world telling you that you're being put upon and an endangered species.
Now all of that means shit so long as you're a grounded person and have a support system of family and friends to give you some guidance and perspective. Unfortunately the system, by design or happenstance is evolving in the opposite direction.
- We're becoming more and more isolated. While all the communication available to us has made surface interaction readily accessible, its come at the expense of meaningful dialog and relationships.
- The family structure has basically eroded into nothingness. You could fill books on both reasons and examples. You could fill another 20 books assigning blame. But the point is that extended families basically extinct and the nuclear family is quickly becoming the exception.
I believe that there's a growing segment of the population that feels disenfranchised and powerless. They're lost and lonely. In many cases they're made to feel that way by design....that makes them better marks for business, government, and religious manipulation.
This is what Obama was striking at when he talked about people taking refuge in religion and guns, without even recognizing that he wasn't part of the solution, but an extension of the problem. Many of those people will fill that void playing Second Life or WOW. Many will seek refuge in their churches and cults. Many will seek refuge in their political parties. But I fear that some will lash back at society, and when they do it will be in way of misdirected violence.
* before you let any of that pissed you off or freak you out, please keep in mind that's just the offhanded opinion of a guy who yells at little kids at the pool and gets massages at the mall. Its not like I'm George Will...or even Curious George for that matter.
At the risk of catching your ire I'm going to say that I'm not all that surprised that this incident happened. Obviously its tragic, and obviously the guy who did it is a twisted prick. My point is, he's not the only twisted prick.
Its not worth laying down the full extent of an argument, even if I had one that was more than a series of passing observations, but I will point out that:
- We live in a commercialize, media riddled society that has convinced everyone that getting laid is perhaps the most/ only important thing in the world.
- All other objects and goals in the pursuit of getting laid are shown to be fulfilling no matter how arbitrary or contrived that they are. Hell, if you believed what you see on TV ( and you're supposed to) washing your hair with the right shampoo gives you an orgasm. That's going to leave a lot of shampoo customers disappointed.
- We have a system of largely un-defined/over define/and contrarily defined gender roles. For white males, that's compounded by the MSNBCs of the world telling you that you're an evil bastard and part of the problem and the FOXNews of the world telling you that you're being put upon and an endangered species.
Now all of that means shit so long as you're a grounded person and have a support system of family and friends to give you some guidance and perspective. Unfortunately the system, by design or happenstance is evolving in the opposite direction.
- We're becoming more and more isolated. While all the communication available to us has made surface interaction readily accessible, its come at the expense of meaningful dialog and relationships.
- The family structure has basically eroded into nothingness. You could fill books on both reasons and examples. You could fill another 20 books assigning blame. But the point is that extended families basically extinct and the nuclear family is quickly becoming the exception.
I believe that there's a growing segment of the population that feels disenfranchised and powerless. They're lost and lonely. In many cases they're made to feel that way by design....that makes them better marks for business, government, and religious manipulation.
This is what Obama was striking at when he talked about people taking refuge in religion and guns, without even recognizing that he wasn't part of the solution, but an extension of the problem. Many of those people will fill that void playing Second Life or WOW. Many will seek refuge in their churches and cults. Many will seek refuge in their political parties. But I fear that some will lash back at society, and when they do it will be in way of misdirected violence.
* before you let any of that pissed you off or freak you out, please keep in mind that's just the offhanded opinion of a guy who yells at little kids at the pool and gets massages at the mall. Its not like I'm George Will...or even Curious George for that matter.
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
loose lips
Saturday night I had a few too many cocktails. While Sunday and Monday were no treat, I think I got away Saturday night mostly unscathed. I didn't remove any articles of clothing, I didn't threaten anyone, the only thing that I can recall doing inapproriately was telling a story to an elderly couple that I inadvertantly ended with the punchline, " MOTHERFUCKER !"
The story I was conveying had just happened the night previous, last Friday. As any regular reader already knows by my ranting that day, I was particularly stressed out. I left work looking for trouble and when my wife called and asked if I would meet her and the girls at the mall, trouble was going to be easy to find.
I walked up to the mall bar and asked, " do you have any single malt scotch ?"
The 21 year old college girl behind the counter looked back at me blankly, " ummm single what ?"
I repeated myself and she dug around in the well for a while and found me a bottle of Glenlivet, " How would you like that ?"
" Scotch and water please."
To my astonishment, she then picked up a soda glass, filled it with ice, poured some scotch over the ice, then proceeded to fill the glass with water, stopping only when I started screaming from across the bar. To add insult to injury, as I sat there mouth agape wonder what to do, she plopped a bill in front of me for $7.
The head waitress (which at this place meant another 21 year old, but this one had probably been there for more than 6 weeks) walked over and asked if there was a problem.
" Yeah.", I answered, " Do you think that you might be able to strain this into another, perhaps smaller glass, without ice ?"
" Sure", she said. Then strained out the drink into a second soda glass handing me what was, essentially, a half filled glass of slightly tinted water.
Miserably, spitefully, I downed the swamp water and followed it up with a couple of Yuenglings and dinner with the wife and kids.
After dinner, Mrs. Flick had a couple of things to get in the mall and so off we went into that hell hole. She's veteran enough to know that I was going to be a royal pain in the ass, so as well walked by one of those massage kiosks she said, " Hey listen, while the girls and I are shopping, why don't you get a massage ?"
" A mall massage ?", I asked incredulously, " no way."
" Come on. Your options are to walk around looking at little girls clothes or this. Go ahead, it will relax you."
After some further dialoge, she walked over, had a brief discussion with the Chinese dude in blue doctor scrubs and then came back. " See that guy over there, he'll take care of everything."
Begrudgingly, I walked over to the guy, " OK, where do we go ?"
He looked at me puzzled and pointed over to this contraption about 10 feet away.
" HERE ! right here ?!"
He nodded and pointed again.
Right there in the middle of the aisle with Friday night shoppers walking back and forth was this massage kneeler. " You have got to be f-ing kidding me." I looked back at the guy and he stared happily back at me.
" Ah fuck it, lets do it", I figured I'm face down on that thing no one can see me, what the hell. He put down this paper thing, like a toilet seat cover, I shoved me face in the hole and the dude started pounding away at my back.
10 minutes later he tapped me on the shoulder. " Ok, we're done ?", I asked.
" No no...over more", he replied in broke English. I couldn't understand what he was talking about.
Finally a younger Chinese girls walked over and in a little better English informed me, " You wife, she get you foot massage too. 10 minute each foot"
" Ok, fine, he told me to get up.", I started back to the massge contraption.
" No, you go over here", the girl grabbed my arm and pulled me around to the other side of the kiosk where I was surprised to see a lazy boy/ barko lounger chair with a footstool. " You sit"
Kinda stunned I sat in the chair. I looked down and the Chinaman pulled off my shoes and sock. Then he pulled on these giant gloves. The only time I've seen gloves of that type were on an Animal Planet show where they were impregnating horses. And just like on that show he started lubing the gloves up in this vat of oil.
" You lay back now see !", and with that hit a button that send the barkolounger in full recline mode.
So as most of you probably have gathered, I have a tendency to be an extremely self conscious person. Some might say that it borders on paranoid, and those people are being polite. So laying akimbo, with the top end of me half way into the northbound aisle of the mall councourse, and the south end of me being rubbed by a lubed up Chinaman in latex is not what I would described as a comfortable moment for me.
" Hey...uh Fong...do you have a curtain or something ?"
" No ! You lay back now !"
" How about a couple of those paper towels I can put over my face or something ?"
" Ha ha, you funny ", apparently thinking that I wasn't serious about the towels.
With that, Fong pickup up my left foot to his eye level holding it in his left hand. He reared back with his right hand like a prize fighter and WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP, hauled off and punched me as hard as he could...six times right into the base of my heel.
" HOLY SMOKES !", I yelled startled. Then all of a sudden, for the first time in weeks, my left leg went totally relaxed. Holy crap that felt good.
I looked down at Fong with my eyes just about bugged out of my head and he looked back at me with a knowing grin, " You lay back now, yes ?"
So whats a brother to do ? There's really no middle ground in a scene like that. As uncomfortable as the situation was, I really had to choices. The first was to call the whole thing off, the other was to just go with it. I figured screw it, the situation was so surreal I'd just go with it. It was going to take about 17 more minutes then it would be done and over, and really I was starting to feel better.
I put my hands on my belly, laid back, closed my eyes and started to relax.
At first I could hear the voices in the background, " hey look at that dude getting a massage.......watch out for that dudes head....."
breathe in breathe out...ignore the voices...
" hey that guy is letting another guy rub his feet...heh heh"
breathe....ignore....and sure enough it was starting to work. Pretty soon the voices all blended into each other as they passed by. Fong was rubbing the tension out of my feet, I was breathing nice and easy, and for the first time in forever I started to relax and let the stress of life flow out of my body...starting to find my happy place.....
Then....
" BOOOOOOOO !"
Instinctively, my eyes popped open. Two inches from my face...literally nose to nose, was my next door neighbor with her brood of kids and husband in tow. " Har har har har......I saw you laying there and I just HAD to do that, ha ha ha" she giggled like a mental patient.
Which leads me back to the beginning of this story, end of that story, and a new dynamic between my neighbors and I as I sat up in the chair sending her reeling back and yelled, of all things, " MOTHERFUCKER !"
The story I was conveying had just happened the night previous, last Friday. As any regular reader already knows by my ranting that day, I was particularly stressed out. I left work looking for trouble and when my wife called and asked if I would meet her and the girls at the mall, trouble was going to be easy to find.
I walked up to the mall bar and asked, " do you have any single malt scotch ?"
The 21 year old college girl behind the counter looked back at me blankly, " ummm single what ?"
I repeated myself and she dug around in the well for a while and found me a bottle of Glenlivet, " How would you like that ?"
" Scotch and water please."
To my astonishment, she then picked up a soda glass, filled it with ice, poured some scotch over the ice, then proceeded to fill the glass with water, stopping only when I started screaming from across the bar. To add insult to injury, as I sat there mouth agape wonder what to do, she plopped a bill in front of me for $7.
The head waitress (which at this place meant another 21 year old, but this one had probably been there for more than 6 weeks) walked over and asked if there was a problem.
" Yeah.", I answered, " Do you think that you might be able to strain this into another, perhaps smaller glass, without ice ?"
" Sure", she said. Then strained out the drink into a second soda glass handing me what was, essentially, a half filled glass of slightly tinted water.
Miserably, spitefully, I downed the swamp water and followed it up with a couple of Yuenglings and dinner with the wife and kids.
After dinner, Mrs. Flick had a couple of things to get in the mall and so off we went into that hell hole. She's veteran enough to know that I was going to be a royal pain in the ass, so as well walked by one of those massage kiosks she said, " Hey listen, while the girls and I are shopping, why don't you get a massage ?"
" A mall massage ?", I asked incredulously, " no way."
" Come on. Your options are to walk around looking at little girls clothes or this. Go ahead, it will relax you."
After some further dialoge, she walked over, had a brief discussion with the Chinese dude in blue doctor scrubs and then came back. " See that guy over there, he'll take care of everything."
Begrudgingly, I walked over to the guy, " OK, where do we go ?"
He looked at me puzzled and pointed over to this contraption about 10 feet away.
" HERE ! right here ?!"
He nodded and pointed again.
Right there in the middle of the aisle with Friday night shoppers walking back and forth was this massage kneeler. " You have got to be f-ing kidding me." I looked back at the guy and he stared happily back at me.
" Ah fuck it, lets do it", I figured I'm face down on that thing no one can see me, what the hell. He put down this paper thing, like a toilet seat cover, I shoved me face in the hole and the dude started pounding away at my back.
10 minutes later he tapped me on the shoulder. " Ok, we're done ?", I asked.
" No no...over more", he replied in broke English. I couldn't understand what he was talking about.
Finally a younger Chinese girls walked over and in a little better English informed me, " You wife, she get you foot massage too. 10 minute each foot"
" Ok, fine, he told me to get up.", I started back to the massge contraption.
" No, you go over here", the girl grabbed my arm and pulled me around to the other side of the kiosk where I was surprised to see a lazy boy/ barko lounger chair with a footstool. " You sit"
Kinda stunned I sat in the chair. I looked down and the Chinaman pulled off my shoes and sock. Then he pulled on these giant gloves. The only time I've seen gloves of that type were on an Animal Planet show where they were impregnating horses. And just like on that show he started lubing the gloves up in this vat of oil.
" You lay back now see !", and with that hit a button that send the barkolounger in full recline mode.
So as most of you probably have gathered, I have a tendency to be an extremely self conscious person. Some might say that it borders on paranoid, and those people are being polite. So laying akimbo, with the top end of me half way into the northbound aisle of the mall councourse, and the south end of me being rubbed by a lubed up Chinaman in latex is not what I would described as a comfortable moment for me.
" Hey...uh Fong...do you have a curtain or something ?"
" No ! You lay back now !"
" How about a couple of those paper towels I can put over my face or something ?"
" Ha ha, you funny ", apparently thinking that I wasn't serious about the towels.
With that, Fong pickup up my left foot to his eye level holding it in his left hand. He reared back with his right hand like a prize fighter and WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP, hauled off and punched me as hard as he could...six times right into the base of my heel.
" HOLY SMOKES !", I yelled startled. Then all of a sudden, for the first time in weeks, my left leg went totally relaxed. Holy crap that felt good.
I looked down at Fong with my eyes just about bugged out of my head and he looked back at me with a knowing grin, " You lay back now, yes ?"
So whats a brother to do ? There's really no middle ground in a scene like that. As uncomfortable as the situation was, I really had to choices. The first was to call the whole thing off, the other was to just go with it. I figured screw it, the situation was so surreal I'd just go with it. It was going to take about 17 more minutes then it would be done and over, and really I was starting to feel better.
I put my hands on my belly, laid back, closed my eyes and started to relax.
At first I could hear the voices in the background, " hey look at that dude getting a massage.......watch out for that dudes head....."
breathe in breathe out...ignore the voices...
" hey that guy is letting another guy rub his feet...heh heh"
breathe....ignore....and sure enough it was starting to work. Pretty soon the voices all blended into each other as they passed by. Fong was rubbing the tension out of my feet, I was breathing nice and easy, and for the first time in forever I started to relax and let the stress of life flow out of my body...starting to find my happy place.....
Then....
" BOOOOOOOO !"
Instinctively, my eyes popped open. Two inches from my face...literally nose to nose, was my next door neighbor with her brood of kids and husband in tow. " Har har har har......I saw you laying there and I just HAD to do that, ha ha ha" she giggled like a mental patient.
Which leads me back to the beginning of this story, end of that story, and a new dynamic between my neighbors and I as I sat up in the chair sending her reeling back and yelled, of all things, " MOTHERFUCKER !"
Monday, August 03, 2009
my weekend
- bad scotch
- Chineese man rubbing my feet
- kayaking
- eating a roasted pig
- 12 beers ( plus or minus 6 beers...and probably not the minus part)
- 2 hours on the bike
- 3 hours on the can
- still crusty on monday
After reading my posts from Friday, I think I'm the only one who didn't see this coming.
- Chineese man rubbing my feet
- kayaking
- eating a roasted pig
- 12 beers ( plus or minus 6 beers...and probably not the minus part)
- 2 hours on the bike
- 3 hours on the can
- still crusty on monday
After reading my posts from Friday, I think I'm the only one who didn't see this coming.
Friday, July 31, 2009
don't P in our ool
I've been under a decent ammt of work stress lately, and between training for a long triathlon and having allergies I've been under a great deal of physical stress. Home stress I don't even want to talk about except to say that no one warned me about the 9 year old boy "moronic" phase. In any case.....sooner or later something had to give.
Last night I went to the pool which, in general, already has be on the edge. The pool situation is stressful enough because you have to go through the locker room of naked old men which I've already documented at length.
But you can add to that a couple of factors which occur 100% of the time. They are;
* The pool's dumb policy of only maintaining two lap lanes even during peak hours. This means that you always have to share a lane. So when you get on deck, you have to wait until some old fart meanders his way across the pool doing the elementary back stroke and hope that you can catch him and let him know that your sharing his lane so he doesn't bean you or so that you don't knock into him in the deep end and drown him. And then once you're in a lane, they'll inevitably fill and some person will pull their chair up the the edge of the water and alternate between asking everyone, " do you have much longer ?" and then huffing and rolling their eyes when you reply, " suck my pull buoy".
* There's always a water aerobics class going on. This means fifteen 82 year old fat women who wrap themselves in those floatie noodles and bob around like dead manatees to the sounds of the 70's. Add in the fact that every one of them has been hermetically sealed in perfumes purchased by their grandchildren and cheap eyebrow make-up and what you end up with is a stinky, choppy, disgusting soup of a pool.
Last night was made worse by the following
- My lane partner was a woman in her mid-60s. Half the time she did this weird sort of sidestroke with a giant scissor kick. The effect of which was that I got the worlds creepiest beaver shot whenever I had to pass her northbound. The other half of the time she put these flippers on and swam freestyle really really fast, and passed me multiple times much to my humiliation.
- There was a special needs kid wandering around the pool. He looked to be in his early 20s. He was at least 6 foot 5" and weighed, no exaggeration, 400 lbs. He was like a black George "The Animal" Steel...complete with the lazy eye and everything. He was a nice enough kid and for whatever reason took a shining to me. So whenever I would stop between sets he would start to wander over to my lane and stare at me absently. I was torn between trying to be nice to the kid ( and not look like a douche to his super hot mom on the deck for blowing him off) and getting my workouts in. I already HATE swimming, and want to get it over with. At the same time I don't want to be known as " that dude who hates retarded kids". Pretty much that's all I could think about while I was swimming.
- Finally there was this family of Chinese kids. Appropriately enough there were like 700 of them and everyone of them was acting like they were throwing a seizure. Every once in a while one of them would start screaming to high heaven and it would startle me, the life guards and everyone else, assuming that someone was hurt or drowning. The mother of the brood, of course, just sat there oblivious... probably content that she wasn't in labor for more than a 10 minute stretch of time.
The whole thing came to a head when this college age girl came in to give a swim lesson to this little 4 year old girl. They set up right next to my lane in the corner where the lap lane met the open wasteland of manatees and screaming Asians.
After a set I stopped to catch my breath and I could see it coming. It was like a perfect storm of madness. At the same time that the college girl was trying to get the 4 year old to swim to her from the edge of the pool, the 400lb retarded guy started making his way over to me, and the Asian kids started an all out Tienanmen Square revolutionary assault on each other with kickboards and noodles, whooping it up the whole time. It was a giant wave of flesh, and splash and noise and cheap perfume stick and I ....coudn't....fucking....take it.....any.......more.
" HEEEEEEYYYYYY ! HEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYY !!!!!! " I screamed at the top of my lugs, my voice echoing above the din of kids screaming and bad disco.
" CUT THAT SHIT OOOOOUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTT !!!!!!", I pointed at the biggest Chinese kid, " They're trying to have a lesson here and I'm trying to swim and you need to stop freakin screaming and BACK UP !"
I eyeballed the retarded guy. Well I eyeballed one of his eyeballs anyway. " Not you buddy, you're good. Just watch out for the little kid."
Then I put on my goggles and swam 300 meters.
When I popped my head up again, I had the place to myself. So I guess in the end it pretty much all worked out for the best.
Last night I went to the pool which, in general, already has be on the edge. The pool situation is stressful enough because you have to go through the locker room of naked old men which I've already documented at length.
But you can add to that a couple of factors which occur 100% of the time. They are;
* The pool's dumb policy of only maintaining two lap lanes even during peak hours. This means that you always have to share a lane. So when you get on deck, you have to wait until some old fart meanders his way across the pool doing the elementary back stroke and hope that you can catch him and let him know that your sharing his lane so he doesn't bean you or so that you don't knock into him in the deep end and drown him. And then once you're in a lane, they'll inevitably fill and some person will pull their chair up the the edge of the water and alternate between asking everyone, " do you have much longer ?" and then huffing and rolling their eyes when you reply, " suck my pull buoy".
* There's always a water aerobics class going on. This means fifteen 82 year old fat women who wrap themselves in those floatie noodles and bob around like dead manatees to the sounds of the 70's. Add in the fact that every one of them has been hermetically sealed in perfumes purchased by their grandchildren and cheap eyebrow make-up and what you end up with is a stinky, choppy, disgusting soup of a pool.
Last night was made worse by the following
- My lane partner was a woman in her mid-60s. Half the time she did this weird sort of sidestroke with a giant scissor kick. The effect of which was that I got the worlds creepiest beaver shot whenever I had to pass her northbound. The other half of the time she put these flippers on and swam freestyle really really fast, and passed me multiple times much to my humiliation.
- There was a special needs kid wandering around the pool. He looked to be in his early 20s. He was at least 6 foot 5" and weighed, no exaggeration, 400 lbs. He was like a black George "The Animal" Steel...complete with the lazy eye and everything. He was a nice enough kid and for whatever reason took a shining to me. So whenever I would stop between sets he would start to wander over to my lane and stare at me absently. I was torn between trying to be nice to the kid ( and not look like a douche to his super hot mom on the deck for blowing him off) and getting my workouts in. I already HATE swimming, and want to get it over with. At the same time I don't want to be known as " that dude who hates retarded kids". Pretty much that's all I could think about while I was swimming.
- Finally there was this family of Chinese kids. Appropriately enough there were like 700 of them and everyone of them was acting like they were throwing a seizure. Every once in a while one of them would start screaming to high heaven and it would startle me, the life guards and everyone else, assuming that someone was hurt or drowning. The mother of the brood, of course, just sat there oblivious... probably content that she wasn't in labor for more than a 10 minute stretch of time.
The whole thing came to a head when this college age girl came in to give a swim lesson to this little 4 year old girl. They set up right next to my lane in the corner where the lap lane met the open wasteland of manatees and screaming Asians.
After a set I stopped to catch my breath and I could see it coming. It was like a perfect storm of madness. At the same time that the college girl was trying to get the 4 year old to swim to her from the edge of the pool, the 400lb retarded guy started making his way over to me, and the Asian kids started an all out Tienanmen Square revolutionary assault on each other with kickboards and noodles, whooping it up the whole time. It was a giant wave of flesh, and splash and noise and cheap perfume stick and I ....coudn't....fucking....take it.....any.......more.
" HEEEEEEYYYYYY ! HEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYY !!!!!! " I screamed at the top of my lugs, my voice echoing above the din of kids screaming and bad disco.
" CUT THAT SHIT OOOOOUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTT !!!!!!", I pointed at the biggest Chinese kid, " They're trying to have a lesson here and I'm trying to swim and you need to stop freakin screaming and BACK UP !"
I eyeballed the retarded guy. Well I eyeballed one of his eyeballs anyway. " Not you buddy, you're good. Just watch out for the little kid."
Then I put on my goggles and swam 300 meters.
When I popped my head up again, I had the place to myself. So I guess in the end it pretty much all worked out for the best.
My job
Hello, I'd like to answer a few of your questions:
First off, no you may not have a speed bump. I could give you 5 good reasonable reasons why the suggestion is dumb, but you'd ignore all of those and tell me how you saw one someplace else ( that was a speed table..at a crosswalk, btw) and you'll refuse to understand why, so lets just cut to the chase. The answer is no.
You'd like a "children playing" sign on your street ? You mean there are children playing on YOUR street ? Oh you must be so lucky, I don't think that happens anyplace else.
No, if it "saves one child " its still not probably worth it...whatever IT is. If we eliminated all cars then no child would ever be struck by a car. Would that be worth it ? What's that you say ? Car's are also useful for productivity ? Car's increase efficiencies ? In some cases cars actually save lives ? Oh, so what I hear you saying is that we should evaluate the merits of an idea on a sound and objective evaluations of the facts and not some knee jerk emotional reaction ? OK, I AGREE.
I'm sorry that you wont be voting for me next time. I'll try to manage my disappointment with the fact that my position isn't elected, its appointed. And yes, I do think you should go over my head to the local Congressman. He'll why stop there ? I'd also suggest you contact the White House and the Vatican. While you have them on the line, see if any of them have a few moments to explain 6th grade civics to you. In the meantime I'll be hanging out with my Old Boys Network talking about who we know, not what we know and working on behalf of whatever party you're not affiliated with.
Yes, if you're black whatever I do is all because you're black. Unless you're some other race, than thats the reason. White Christians, just realize that the whole system has been set against you and give up already. In short, nobody gets a break.
Just so you know the official order of meaningless attempts to influence my decision are
a) repeating yourself 4 times,
b) screaming loudly
then
c) hollow threats
And finally......OH YOU'RE A TAXPAYER !!!!!!! You should have said so when you first walked in. Please have a seat and I'll get to you right after the air breathers.
First off, no you may not have a speed bump. I could give you 5 good reasonable reasons why the suggestion is dumb, but you'd ignore all of those and tell me how you saw one someplace else ( that was a speed table..at a crosswalk, btw) and you'll refuse to understand why, so lets just cut to the chase. The answer is no.
You'd like a "children playing" sign on your street ? You mean there are children playing on YOUR street ? Oh you must be so lucky, I don't think that happens anyplace else.
No, if it "saves one child " its still not probably worth it...whatever IT is. If we eliminated all cars then no child would ever be struck by a car. Would that be worth it ? What's that you say ? Car's are also useful for productivity ? Car's increase efficiencies ? In some cases cars actually save lives ? Oh, so what I hear you saying is that we should evaluate the merits of an idea on a sound and objective evaluations of the facts and not some knee jerk emotional reaction ? OK, I AGREE.
I'm sorry that you wont be voting for me next time. I'll try to manage my disappointment with the fact that my position isn't elected, its appointed. And yes, I do think you should go over my head to the local Congressman. He'll why stop there ? I'd also suggest you contact the White House and the Vatican. While you have them on the line, see if any of them have a few moments to explain 6th grade civics to you. In the meantime I'll be hanging out with my Old Boys Network talking about who we know, not what we know and working on behalf of whatever party you're not affiliated with.
Yes, if you're black whatever I do is all because you're black. Unless you're some other race, than thats the reason. White Christians, just realize that the whole system has been set against you and give up already. In short, nobody gets a break.
Just so you know the official order of meaningless attempts to influence my decision are
a) repeating yourself 4 times,
b) screaming loudly
then
c) hollow threats
And finally......OH YOU'RE A TAXPAYER !!!!!!! You should have said so when you first walked in. Please have a seat and I'll get to you right after the air breathers.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
I like this story
How to get picked out of a vegas poker room
Rounding the corner in front of the Flamingo, my friend and I run into Dustin Dirksen, high-stakes online professional and full on LAG-tard.
After the initial hellos and handshakes, Dirksen, beer in hand, jumped straight into his latest Las Vegas story.
At around 2 a.m. on a Monday night, Dirksen and his friend were sitting at a $1/$2 No-Limit table at O'Sheas.
As you would imagine from a player who plays games with a big blind equal to the entire buy-in at a $1/$2 table, he can only play the game for so long until something sticky has to hit the fan.
After some half-a-dozen Newcastles and some ridiculously aggressive action, the two decide to put it all-in and flip for their stacks. Wanting to flip with just his friend, Dirksen asks the entire table if it would be cool for him to pay everyone $2 for them to all fold next hand, letting him and his friend flip unhindered.
Everyone agrees, Dirksen pays the players $2 each and the cards get dealt. Dirksen and his friend push their stacks and the whole table folds to the button who looks down to pocket aces.
Instead of laughing and mucking the aces face up, he announces "call," and moves his chips across the line.
Dirksen, in a state of disbelief, tries some diplomacy and reminds buddy-aces that he agreed to fold, and accepted the $2 to do so. Buddy says he's all in and pushes his chips across the line.
Dirksen, matter of factly, informs the guy "no you're not," and pushes his chips back to the rail.
When buddy moves his chips across the line for the second time, Dirksen's composure starts to go south. Pushing buddy's chips back to the rail a second time, Dirksen tells the guy that he's not all in, and he's going to get punched in the face.
Buddy, whose girlfriend has been sitting behind him the entire time, starts to argue about the hand and the threat, bringing his girlfriend into the mix.
Dirksen, starting to lose it, tells the guy that not only will he punch him in the face, but if he doesn't fold the hand, he'll punch his girlfriend in the face as well.
Perhaps it was the nearby Vegas casino security, or the fact that Dirksen is not a particularly intimidating guy, but buddy-aces was not having any of the physical threats. Unperturbed by the face-punch warnings, buddy pushes his chips across the line for a third time.
The whole scenario being a matter of principal, it was at this moment Dirksen felt he should kick it up a notch.
After informing buddy one more time he's not all in, Dirksen grabs buddy's chips and throws them on the floor. Looking the guy in the eyes, he yells:
"I will knife you in the parking lot."
Regardless of the fact that:
A) He had no knife
B) It was an obviously drunken rage-induced threat
C) O'Sheas doesn't have a parking lot
The passion and persistence (or outright lunacy) of his argument pays off as buddy agrees to fold.
As you can imagine, casino security isn't too fond of players issuing death threats on the casino floor. The floorman and a couple of security guards ask Dirksen to leave the property after his 6-3 offsuit loses the pot.
Rounding the corner in front of the Flamingo, my friend and I run into Dustin Dirksen, high-stakes online professional and full on LAG-tard.
After the initial hellos and handshakes, Dirksen, beer in hand, jumped straight into his latest Las Vegas story.
At around 2 a.m. on a Monday night, Dirksen and his friend were sitting at a $1/$2 No-Limit table at O'Sheas.
As you would imagine from a player who plays games with a big blind equal to the entire buy-in at a $1/$2 table, he can only play the game for so long until something sticky has to hit the fan.
After some half-a-dozen Newcastles and some ridiculously aggressive action, the two decide to put it all-in and flip for their stacks. Wanting to flip with just his friend, Dirksen asks the entire table if it would be cool for him to pay everyone $2 for them to all fold next hand, letting him and his friend flip unhindered.
Everyone agrees, Dirksen pays the players $2 each and the cards get dealt. Dirksen and his friend push their stacks and the whole table folds to the button who looks down to pocket aces.
Instead of laughing and mucking the aces face up, he announces "call," and moves his chips across the line.
Dirksen, in a state of disbelief, tries some diplomacy and reminds buddy-aces that he agreed to fold, and accepted the $2 to do so. Buddy says he's all in and pushes his chips across the line.
Dirksen, matter of factly, informs the guy "no you're not," and pushes his chips back to the rail.
When buddy moves his chips across the line for the second time, Dirksen's composure starts to go south. Pushing buddy's chips back to the rail a second time, Dirksen tells the guy that he's not all in, and he's going to get punched in the face.
Buddy, whose girlfriend has been sitting behind him the entire time, starts to argue about the hand and the threat, bringing his girlfriend into the mix.
Dirksen, starting to lose it, tells the guy that not only will he punch him in the face, but if he doesn't fold the hand, he'll punch his girlfriend in the face as well.
Perhaps it was the nearby Vegas casino security, or the fact that Dirksen is not a particularly intimidating guy, but buddy-aces was not having any of the physical threats. Unperturbed by the face-punch warnings, buddy pushes his chips across the line for a third time.
The whole scenario being a matter of principal, it was at this moment Dirksen felt he should kick it up a notch.
After informing buddy one more time he's not all in, Dirksen grabs buddy's chips and throws them on the floor. Looking the guy in the eyes, he yells:
"I will knife you in the parking lot."
Regardless of the fact that:
A) He had no knife
B) It was an obviously drunken rage-induced threat
C) O'Sheas doesn't have a parking lot
The passion and persistence (or outright lunacy) of his argument pays off as buddy agrees to fold.
As you can imagine, casino security isn't too fond of players issuing death threats on the casino floor. The floorman and a couple of security guards ask Dirksen to leave the property after his 6-3 offsuit loses the pot.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Evil Genius
Lance had someone leak that Andy Schleck might sign for his new team, but that Frank is not invited because he might inhibit his brothers progress.
1. Andy isn't going anywhere since he's contracted through 2010 so the whole thing is a lie at face value.
2. Lance just created, out of thin air, the accusation that somehow Frank is inhibiting Andy's progress...despite the fact that Andy seems to have progress quite well with his brother around him his entire life. This will now be a question that both brothers will be asked over and over and over again, proving to be a distraction.
3. The Saxo Bank team in general will be questioning Andy committment to the team and wondering if there's some truth to the rumor, undermining the teams strength.
Additionally, after Lance spend the entire Tour screwing with Contador, offering him little to no help, turning most of the team against him, and having no unified plan from day one.....Lance Twitters that Contador isn't a team player and is disrespecting the team.....the TEAM mind you, that Lance has already left, the team who's thunder he stole during the tour by having his new team announcement, and the team who's logo's he arranged to have faded.
- he pulled a Karl Rove, just take the thing that you're most guilty of...then accuse your opponent of it. Unreal.
The good news is that no ammount of evil manipulation is going to change the fact that WADA is going to keep testing Lance over and over and over, that he's going to have to ride clean, and that he's going to keep getting the results that he got this year......and there's nothing that eats that bastard up more than being an also-ran.
1. Andy isn't going anywhere since he's contracted through 2010 so the whole thing is a lie at face value.
2. Lance just created, out of thin air, the accusation that somehow Frank is inhibiting Andy's progress...despite the fact that Andy seems to have progress quite well with his brother around him his entire life. This will now be a question that both brothers will be asked over and over and over again, proving to be a distraction.
3. The Saxo Bank team in general will be questioning Andy committment to the team and wondering if there's some truth to the rumor, undermining the teams strength.
Additionally, after Lance spend the entire Tour screwing with Contador, offering him little to no help, turning most of the team against him, and having no unified plan from day one.....Lance Twitters that Contador isn't a team player and is disrespecting the team.....the TEAM mind you, that Lance has already left, the team who's thunder he stole during the tour by having his new team announcement, and the team who's logo's he arranged to have faded.
- he pulled a Karl Rove, just take the thing that you're most guilty of...then accuse your opponent of it. Unreal.
The good news is that no ammount of evil manipulation is going to change the fact that WADA is going to keep testing Lance over and over and over, that he's going to have to ride clean, and that he's going to keep getting the results that he got this year......and there's nothing that eats that bastard up more than being an also-ran.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
bye bye love
At the time that Alberto Contador and Astana are supposed to be taking advantage of the publicity and value in winning the biggest bike race in the world, Lance steals the spotlight by redirecting all of that attention to an announcement that he is starting a new team.
Lance is the kind of girl who would wear white to someone else's wedding.
But today will be a day of reconning. Expect to see Contador helping Frank Schleck or Kloden move into third place, and watch Lance get bumped off the podium.
Plus there's no way that Lance can climb the Vonteaux quickly with Bob Roll's giant retarded head up his ass.
Lance is the kind of girl who would wear white to someone else's wedding.
But today will be a day of reconning. Expect to see Contador helping Frank Schleck or Kloden move into third place, and watch Lance get bumped off the podium.
Plus there's no way that Lance can climb the Vonteaux quickly with Bob Roll's giant retarded head up his ass.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
or so I've heard
Being in a race with half fitness is like being in a strip club without any singles.
Have we learned nothing ?
There is a disconnect between the way that I think and the way that the people who sell cars, houses, and loans think. Unfortunately, that disconnect triggers the need for me to punch someone in the face so quickly that its never afforded me enough time to work past it.
Previous attempts to purchase such items have resulted in me walking out of closings, insulting people, and in one instance threats of physical violence.
I think the problem is that most people walk into the office with the mentality, " I can afford $xxx.xx per month, what can I buy", and so that's the only position from which the lenders/sellers are used to working.
So I ask questions like, " How much is that car ?" and they reply, " How much are you looking to pay a month", then I flip out.
Recently I've been attempting to refinance my mortgage to no avail.
I have one mortgage with 7 years left on it, and a second, much smaller mortgage, with something like 20 years on it. What I'd like to do is combine those two loans into one loan. The questions I have are rather simple;
1) What's the rate I can get on a fixed mortgage for a 10 year term
2) If I accept that rate, what the comparison between what I'll pay over that 10 year year ( total money paid) versus what I'm going to pay under my current arrangement. NOT EACH MONTH....TOTAL !
3) If a lower rate is offered by me paying a point or two, what does paying the point save me over the length of the loan ?
See I don't see how any of that is difficult.
I can provide the ammts and terms of the loan I currently have.
I have excellent/perfect credit
I meet all the wage and home equity requirements.
You don't need my social security number.
You don't need to know how much I'm willing to pay.
You don't need how much money I have in the bank or where or I work or any other personal information.
If the information you provide looks like its a good deal for me, then we can go through all that stuff...just give me the numbers.
WHY WONT YOU GIVE ME THE NUMBERS !?
Previous attempts to purchase such items have resulted in me walking out of closings, insulting people, and in one instance threats of physical violence.
I think the problem is that most people walk into the office with the mentality, " I can afford $xxx.xx per month, what can I buy", and so that's the only position from which the lenders/sellers are used to working.
So I ask questions like, " How much is that car ?" and they reply, " How much are you looking to pay a month", then I flip out.
Recently I've been attempting to refinance my mortgage to no avail.
I have one mortgage with 7 years left on it, and a second, much smaller mortgage, with something like 20 years on it. What I'd like to do is combine those two loans into one loan. The questions I have are rather simple;
1) What's the rate I can get on a fixed mortgage for a 10 year term
2) If I accept that rate, what the comparison between what I'll pay over that 10 year year ( total money paid) versus what I'm going to pay under my current arrangement. NOT EACH MONTH....TOTAL !
3) If a lower rate is offered by me paying a point or two, what does paying the point save me over the length of the loan ?
See I don't see how any of that is difficult.
I can provide the ammts and terms of the loan I currently have.
I have excellent/perfect credit
I meet all the wage and home equity requirements.
You don't need my social security number.
You don't need to know how much I'm willing to pay.
You don't need how much money I have in the bank or where or I work or any other personal information.
If the information you provide looks like its a good deal for me, then we can go through all that stuff...just give me the numbers.
WHY WONT YOU GIVE ME THE NUMBERS !?
Monday, July 20, 2009
super pissed
I'm totally fired up.
I took a half day today to take my son to his golf tournament and the little shit just mailed it in.
No effort.
On his final shot he putted it in the hole without even taking the flag out, which (and he knows this) is a two stroke penalty.
I was seriously contemplating drowning him in the pond right there, but another father talked me out of it. He didn't disagree with the idea in general, but thought that there were far too many people around for me to possibly get away with it.
Goddamn I'm pissed.
I took a half day today to take my son to his golf tournament and the little shit just mailed it in.
No effort.
On his final shot he putted it in the hole without even taking the flag out, which (and he knows this) is a two stroke penalty.
I was seriously contemplating drowning him in the pond right there, but another father talked me out of it. He didn't disagree with the idea in general, but thought that there were far too many people around for me to possibly get away with it.
Goddamn I'm pissed.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)