grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

A man's day should NEVER begin with the words " when you get up, can you give me a hand ? The toilet is clogged"

Not even a goddamn GOOD MORNING let alone a kiss on the cheek.

I'm fairly certian that I'm the only one in my house that realizes that you're suppose to take the paper off the toilet roll. I think the rest of them think that that cardboard roll is to stick you fingers in, wipe , then throw the whole roll in the shitter.

The World Series of Poker main event is shown on ESPN on Tuesday nights. I'm sure it will be rerun 1000 times this winter. If you haven't been watching you may want to catch it. It's the best season I've seen to date, there's some great drama. First of all, there's a guy with no arms....yeah, no arms. Last night a dude broke down crying, that was great...you could tell he KNEW that his king high flush was going to get trumped by an Ace high flush..but he could NOT help himself...he HAD to call, then he had a complete emotional meltdown...beautiful TV.

There's also a requisite asshole who screams and yells and jumps around like a monkey. Apparently he must really really stink because the management politely pulled him aside and asked him to watch his hygene. The casino was very subtle and no one knew...right up until the guy started screaming about it. Now if someone tells you that you smell you'd think you'd be a little embarassed....not this guy. He wanted to know where in the rules did it say that he couldn't stink !

About thirty seconds after the was on TV my phone rang. I said hello and heard my Uncle say " WHERE IN THE RULES DOES IT SAY THAT I CAN'T RUB DOGSHIT ALL OVER MY HEAD".

Does that kind of stuff really need to be in the rules ?

Insight from AC

So i was in Atlantic City yesterday. The boardwalk there puts any circus greak show to shame. I saw stuff in a 10 minute walk that you'd be hard pressed to see ( live anyway) in a year anyplace else in the world.

The whole deal made me realize that there are a disproportionate number of crazy people the closer you get to the water. What I figure is the crazy people have a tendency to wander. And they keep wandering until they can't wander anymore. So when you get to the boardwalk you've gotten as far as they can go without getting wet. I bet you if you go to a place like Nebraka you'd find very few crazy homeless people dancing in the street for nickles...and the one's you did see would be just passing through.

DO NOT USE ORBITZ

The long and short is this...I've bought 40 tickets or more from Orbitz. They've been great.

Last January I bought 5 tickets from them and a pop-up come up from them that said " you get a $10 rebate" for my purchase. "Cool!" I thought, that was nice. I filled in the box with my name and address. I was then redirected to another site, a subsidiary of Orbitz, and pitched to sign-up for their services. My $10 was to come in the form of a voucher for this service. No interested, I shut down the browser and went back to other stuff I was doing.

So I found out that I've been getting charged $10 a month since then !!!!!!!

By entering in my name and address into the initial window, Orbitz considers that my concent to participate in this other companies ( actually their company) program.

THEY sent Connections123.com my credit card information !

I've never been to this companies site and never used their service and they've charged me.

And I'm not the only one

http://www.consumeraffairs.com/travel/orbitz_mwi.html

Like bad chicken salad

I have a shirt that I really like. The problem is the last time a wore it I drank myself sick. Now when I look at the shirt I immediately get nauseous. I think I have to throw it away.

Some guy jumped off the I-83 bridge yesterday during rush hour in a successful suicide attempt. The road what shut down and it caused a massive traffic jam and delay. While obviously a sad situation, I did find the whole thing somewhat humorous. You KNOW the guy knew exactly what he was doing. He was going to kill himself and he wanted to fuck over as many people in the process. It's not quite blowing yourself up in a disco, but it's suburbias version of " I'm going out and taking as many people with me as possible. I wonder how many peole just drive around the dudes body and continued their commute before someone finally relented and stopped to manage the situation.

I had my best exchange to date on Poker Star the other day. Someone came into the room we were playing and started begging for money.

FullHouse: Can someone give me 20 cents ? I need 20 cents to enter a tournament.
Me: I'll give you one dollar for a blowjob
FullHouse: I only need 20 cents
Me: Then you'll only need to stick the tip in your mouth
FullHouse leaves Room 117

going out with a bang

http://www.legacy.com/chicagotribune/LegacySubPage2.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonId=15361018



Theodore Roosevelt Heller

Theodore Roosevelt Heller, 88, loving father of Charles (Joann) Heller; dear brother of the late Sonya (the late Jack) Steinberg. Ted was discharged from the U.S. Army during WWII due to service related injuries, and then forced his way back into the Illinois National Guard insisting no one tells him when to serve his country. Graveside services Tuesday 11 a.m. at Waldheim Jewish Cemetery (Ziditshover section), 1700 S. Harlem Ave., Chicago. In lieu of flowers, please send acerbic letters to Republicans. Arrangements by Chicago Jewish Funerals, Douglas MacIsaac, funeral director 847-229-8822, www.cjfinfo.com. Published in the Chicago Tribune on 10/10/2005.
Guest Book • Photo Gallery • Funeral home info Flowers • Gift Shop • Charities

going out with a bang

We

I'd really like to get behind Penn State. Local team, good program, etc etc....

But I cannot stand the asshole Penn State fans i work with.

WE, WE, WE....... WE won on Saturday, WE'RE passing well......as if the motherfucker was out there snapping the ball and running back kickoffs. Where was all that WE when Penn State sucked ass the last couple of years.

And for cripesakes, unless you know the man personally, unless you've had dinner at his house, please stop referring to "JOE" as if you're banging his sister. "JOE did a great job on Saturday"...shut the fuck up.

So I can understand birds flying. I can understand fish swimming. I can understand animals and insects having legs. Obviously snakes make sense. But why aren't there any animals that roll ? In terms of efficiency, speed and protection an animal that could curl itself up in a ball and roll would kick ass. An armidillo comes close but it curls up only for protection...maybe that's because Texas is so damn flat. Someone should get a shitload of armadillos and take them up to West Virginia let em loose and see what happens after a while. I'm just saying that if you're on a hill and a predator comes along that curling up and rolling downhill is a prettyu quick and effective way of saving your ass.

Inane in the Membrane

While I may have had time to post last week, i definately did not have any mental resources to contribute anything of value. Between the let-down post poker and the pressure of preparing a grant application, I was used up. I spent most of my free time huffing decongestants and staring at reality TV.

So Saturday, the kids had a soccer tournament. Instead of playing the usual game, they had all the kindegarten and first grade teams show up at the same time. Then they would blow an air horn at 8 minute and two minute intervals. The kids would play 8 minute games, then had two minutes to go to a different field before playing another 8 minute game. This continued until they played 5 games over six intervals. Oh yeah, there were something like 50 teams there.

The pandemonium was rather entertaining.

One thing is for sure. The dude who came up with idea has never gone on a Kettle One bender.