birds of a feather ( not a poker story, so hang in there)

Around 2:30 am everyone else had left. Ron was sleeping in the recliner and Uncle Walt was finishing up his third liter of wine while sizing me up. " Get the chips...we're playing heads up !"

" Come on Uncle Walt, I'm tired.", I implored, " We played for 6 hours, isn't that enough ?"

" I wasn't asking...get the chips.". He's 6 foot 2, 240 lbs, and had 3 liters of wine in him. I got the chips.

The next 15 minutes when pretty much like this....I'd come in, he'd bet something like $5 into a 50 cent pot, I'd fold, and he's yell, " AWWW COME ON.....DON'T YOU WANT TO PLAY ?"

" No, actually I don't want to play, I want to sleep.", I'd say.

" Now don't start getting weird on me !"

Finally, by the grace of god I got dealt AA. I raised, he went all in and flipped over 44. As he went to deal, I could see that the card on the bottom of the deck was a 4. Before he dealt I said, " Uncle Walt....before you deal the cards let me make you this offer...let's just split the money up evenly and go to bed."

" No way, I feel lucky, I have two 4's in the deck."

" Well maybe you should take a peek at the bottom of the deck then"

" OK," he conceeded, " Let's get some sleep"

We woke Ron up and went into the main house. Walt had a guest room set up for us. Just before he walked us into the room Uncle Walt whispered, " Shhhh, watch this." He opened the door and in his booming voice said, " HEY ! YOU FUCKER! GUESS WHO'S HERE ?"

And with that, all he'll broke loose in the darkened room....SKWALKKKKKKK SKWALLLLLK.

And a big smile came over Uncle Walt's face as he giggled like a schoolgirl, " ahahahahahahah YOU FUCKER ! I'M GONNA GUT YA AND PUT YOU ON THE DINNER TABLE !" and he approached what appeared to be a cage, but it was covered with a giant burlap sack.

Inside the giant sack was one freaked out bird having a caniption fit...flapping and flying into the sides of the cage. At first it sounded like the thing was frightened, then I realized it was much to aggressive for that....the thing was trying to get out of the cage to kill something. Some dudes raise Pit Bulls to fight, it appeared the Uncle Walt was raising a killer Cockatiel.

After working the bird into a lather, he started to walk out. " Thanks. Thanks a lot," I said, " The bird should stop freaking out just in time for us to leave. That's fantastic." The room was maybe 10x15 and now had two exhausted drunks and a freaked out killer bird. Uncle Walt just laughed.

Then as he was walking out the door, he paused...seeing one of his kids old toys ( I think this room was used as a storage room. " HEY ! Simon. You ever play this game ?"

" Yeah, I've played it. Good night.", I tried to hurry him out.

He started pushing the buttons trying to turn the thing on, " All the words are rubber off this old thing...which button turns this on ?"

" I don't know, come on...go to bed."

SIMON....LAST.....LONGER.....Simon came to life .

" WAHOO ! You played this huh ? How good are you at it ?", Uncle Walt asked as he started pushing the buttons....beep....beep...boop....boop.

" I dunno Unlce Walt. I just want to sleep."

Ron, who to this point was laying with his face in his pillow hoping in would all end couldn't help himself, " I know how long he can do it for..."

Uncle Walt took the bait, " how long is that ?"

No Ron, please don't say it.....but he had to, " One more beep than you."

Game on.

I went first and made it to level 7. Uncle Walt went second and made to to level 4 before he messed up the second move. " Dammit !"

Ron looked up from the pillow again, " you couldn't even get the second one ?"

" GET UP ! EVERYONE UP ! WE'RE PLAYING SIMON ! GET THE FUCK UP !"

Thankfully, and after getting my dollar for my victory, I convinced Uncle Walt to go to bed. Finally, at 3:30 am we were going to get some sleep.

And the bird was quiet, the lights were out, and I laid me head upon the pillow.

SIMON......LAST......LONGER.....

oh no


SIMON......LAST......LONGER.....

please sweet Jesus


SIMON......LAST......LONGER.....

does anyone know how to turn this thing off ?