bletch - home sick today

Dick's sporting goods has poker tables on sale for $80 so Grib and I ran over on Sunday morning to pick a couple of them up.

While I paid for the tables, Grib led the two high school aged employees who were pushing the dolly out to the car.

I walked outside to find the two kids huddled under the overhang as it had started raining. I asked, " Hey where's my buddy ?"

Thing 1 answered, " Oh 'cause its raining he's going to pull the car around here."

I figured I'd mess with them a little, " DRIVING ! YOU DIDN'T LET HIM DRIVE DID YOU ?!?!"

That startled Thing 2 from his slumber, " Uh, yeah he said he'd be right back."

"Oh NO", I continued, " He's really hammered...you know really drunk. He can't drive."

Thing 1 asked, " This early ?". I was only 11:00 am.

" Well he's not hammered from today, we're still rocking it from last night".

"OOOhhh.", Think 1 frowned. Thing 2 nodded approvingly.

I went on, " Yeah, we stopped playing poker in order to come get more poker supplies. But he's down about a grand and been drinking hard...and sometimes when he gets like this he just freaks out. Where is he ? OH MAN WHERE IS HE ?"

Grib had looped around and I could see him off to the right, but I was looking desperately off to the left and describing the van. Things 1 and 2 were starting to get a little freaked out and were scanning the parking lot.

Finally Think 2 saw the van and started yelling like a kid finding an egg at Easter, " THERE HE IS THERE HE IS !"

And here came Grib from right to left following the traffic toward where we were standing. The thing was that the traffic was thick and in order for Grib to be able to pull right up to the curb, he needed to be moving from left to right with the flow of traffic. What he needed to do was to drive down the next row and loop back around. This might be obviously apparent if you were the guy driving the car, but maybe not so obvious if you were a freaked out high school kid.

The kids started moving toward the road and Grib drove right past them, made right and started driving down the aisle, away from the store. That's when I stuck the knife in..

" SEE !! SEE !! HOLY SHIT, HE GONE !! I TOOOOOOLLLLLDDDDD YOU !!! OHHHH MAAANNN."

Thing 1 just stared in shocked disbelief. Thing 2 started muttering, " This is bad...dude, this is fucked up."

Grib got to the end of the row and added to the drama by pausing then turning left away from us.

" Wow dude, he's just driving away."

Then Grib turned left again and you could see the two kids posture change. And I don't mean that figuratively...both of them were up on their toes. " HEY...HEY...HEY'S COMING BACK...LOOK LOOK !", they were so super psyched.

Grib, oblivious to all of this, pulled up the the curb to the three of us cheering and dancing.

Grib pooped the back hatch and Thing 1 and I grabbed a table and started to load it into the back of the van, his end first. Thing 1 stopped suddenly in his tracks. He turned back wide-eyed and gestured with his head toward the van...more pointedly, toward the baby seat in the van, and asked, " There's not a....ahhh...kid in there is there ?" He then looked over at Think 2 with a sort of nervous 'get-redy-to-call-the-cops' look on his face.

For just a second on thought about it....I considered it...but then I realized that you can only push a man so far, " no dude, it's cool I only have custody ever other weekend." And we loaded up the stuff.