Sea legs

The cruise was great, thanks for asking.

I never had an interest in going on a cruise, but I'd do it again. It's like a giant floating college campus. Its place where you never need to drive to go anywhere, good company, there's always stuff to do, always a place to get a beer, where someone else takes care of feeding you, and if you get really drunk you're only a short walk home to your room.

I played in a ping pong tourney, triva contests, poker games, did a climbing wall, learned how to fold towels into weird-ass looking animals, I ate good, drank good, played golf, went to the beach, and about 100 other things none of which included putting up with any nonsense.

Surprisingly, I somehow got through a week without my email, the newspaper, the internet, and only about 2 calls on my cell phone while I was in Boston. Apparently you can really get by without all those accessories.

The only drawback has been that since I've been back, everytime I sit still the room starts moving up and down. 7 days at sea with no problem and I'm getting seasick at my office desk. Weird.

Anyway I only have time for one quick story.

We went with a big family group which included among its numbers a guy who is a dwarf. I had met E-Rock before but i wasn't sure if my kids had seen a little person so I made it a point to pull them aside as we got on the bus and said, " Listen, there's a guy we're going with who's a little person. He's a regular guy and he's an adult and everything else is normal about him, but he's just short. I don't want you making a big deal about it, staring, or asking weird questions."

They all looked at me like I was a giant idiot for even suggesting that they'd do something so daft and my oldest said, " uh, yeah...well..duh, whatya think we were going to do?" then they all walked past me and got on the bus.

After sitting in traffic for an hour and a half we finally got to the terminal and it was complete pandemonium. 3500 people and all of their luggage getting off the ship and 3500 people and their luggage getting onto the ship, along with 3500 New York dockworkers yelling at each other and everyone in sterotypical fashion..."forgetabahdit".

So I was was a little freaked when, in the middle of all these cars, and trucks, and people we were told to get off the bus. I got out, made sure the luggage made it out of the bus and only the carrier and then frantically started trying to round up my kids. I held them all back until there was a break in the traffic and then stuck out my left and and grabbed the youngest girl. I reached out to my right and my son stepped a little away from me.

" Grab my hand." I instructed, but the boy was in his usually daze and refused to move.

I stuck my hand out further and said again, " Grab my hand !", still nothing.

Now I could see some cars coming and I was starting to get scared and impatient. Finally I let him have it, " DAMMIT, GRAB MY HAND !!!!"

A deep voice answered me and caused me to look down for the first time. Instead of my son, it was an indignant E-Rock starting up at me...

"Hey pal, I think you mean to be talking someone else, but either way I can cross the street on my own and I aint holding your friggin hand."

That's me. Mr. Smooth.