aquaman

There's a guy who goes to the gym that I frequent.

He's usually at the pool at around the same time as me and does laps wearing a divers mask, a snorkle, and flippers. Big ocean faring flippers too. And with all that gear on he 'swims' laps for a half hour. I think it takes him two strokes to get the the other side of the pool.

After swimming he retires to the locker room for roughly 3 hours where he showers, steams, hot tubs, showers again, the entire time engaging people in these horrible conversations. Its always something awkwardly personal and when the other person invariably starts talking in a hushed tones in an attempt to salvage some dignity and mellow him out, he always responds by raising his voice about 100 decibles.

( Thus far anyway) he is self aware enough to know to NOT talk to me. I spend the entire time there with a look ( well honed in the locker room of an all boys Catholic high school) that says, " fuck with me and I'll towel snap you right in the dick".

Anyway, I have to swim on Wednesday and I'm seriously thinking about sticking a tampon in his snorkle while he's in the steam room.