AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA !!!!
If you were born after 1972, HERE is the reference.
Good stuff.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Tony Clifton
I just poached this from Guys From Area 51 Click over to their site. Very funny stuff. I have no idea who they area, but I'm a fan.
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA !!!!
If you were born after 1972, HERE is the reference.
Good stuff.
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA !!!!
If you were born after 1972, HERE is the reference.
Good stuff.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
A Matter of Perspective
I walked into the kitchen to find Mrs. Flick saying. " We're going to be late !........We have to go !.....We're going to be laaaaate !",
I looked around and "The Boy" was playing with the radio, "The Therapist" was drawing something, and I had no idea where "Hot Gril" was.
" We're going to be late.", she said to me, " and the kids wont listen to me !"
" What did you tell them to do "?, I asked sincerely.
" You just HEARD me!", she said getting increasinly frustrated.
" I heard you say that you were going to be late and that you had to go.", I said, " I didn't hear you tell THEM to DO anything."
Sarcastic and pissed, with a theatrical fliar she said, " Ohhhhhh pardon me. CHILDREN ! Puh-leeeeze go outside and get into the van right nooooowww." and sort of rolled her eyes.
With that, "The Boy" walked over put on his coat, "The Therapist" put down her pencil and "Hot Gril" came walking out of the bathroom. They all walked outside and got into the van.
Mrs. Flick looked at me half shocked ...ok 1/3rd shocked. The rest of what was left looked like she was going to kill me. Then she just laughed, shook her head, and walked out the door.
I looked around and "The Boy" was playing with the radio, "The Therapist" was drawing something, and I had no idea where "Hot Gril" was.
" We're going to be late.", she said to me, " and the kids wont listen to me !"
" What did you tell them to do "?, I asked sincerely.
" You just HEARD me!", she said getting increasinly frustrated.
" I heard you say that you were going to be late and that you had to go.", I said, " I didn't hear you tell THEM to DO anything."
Sarcastic and pissed, with a theatrical fliar she said, " Ohhhhhh pardon me. CHILDREN ! Puh-leeeeze go outside and get into the van right nooooowww." and sort of rolled her eyes.
With that, "The Boy" walked over put on his coat, "The Therapist" put down her pencil and "Hot Gril" came walking out of the bathroom. They all walked outside and got into the van.
Mrs. Flick looked at me half shocked ...ok 1/3rd shocked. The rest of what was left looked like she was going to kill me. Then she just laughed, shook her head, and walked out the door.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
your man on the inside
Most governmental problems arise from two sources, ego and apathy.
While this might seem overly simplistic to some and obvious to others, as someone who has worked in the business for over a dozen years, I've found it shocking.
You see, I've always assumed the best in people and I've always has a fair amount of faith that the cream always rises to the top. Sadly, experience is teaching me thats not necessarily the case, especially in government. Lets break it down like this.
For the elected.
- In order to get into office, you have to run for office. To run for office you have to go out and get petitions signed. This entails walking around asking people for their approval and signature. For that you either need no ego or a super-duper ego.
-Then you need to put yourself on a ballot and have people examine, prod, interrogate, and eventually choose or reject you. Again, you either have to have a huge thirst for that sort of attention ( which would make you a narcissist) or you'd have to be immune to that sort of abuse ( which would make you a sociopath).
- Finally, once you get elected, every decision that you make is going to be subject to criticism, ridicule, and protest. The exception to this would be if you're handing people money without asking them for anything in return...which is the only time you actually see your elected officials if they can help it.
So you can see that the very process itself eliminates most capable, reasonable folks who have neither the time nor inclination to subject themselves to that sort of abuse and scrutiny.
Largely, what you're left with are people adamantly seeking the approval of some, adamantly rejecting the protests of others, and using the powers of their office as tools to do both.
For the non-elected government employees.
- If they're state or federal unionized employees...forget about it. Its going to take even the most enthusiastic well intentioned new employee about two weeks to stop giving a shit. Its a lousy culture where seniority trumps ability and hard work is not only not rewarded, its discouraged.
- For non-union employees you do have some hope. Your hope there is that their enthusiasm lasts a total of four weeks. You see, most governmental jobs entail telling people who should be able to do stuff that they can't....and telling people who shouldn't be able to do stuff, that they can. If you're wondering why that is, please re-read the last part of the elected officials section about using the tools of their office.
So where does that leave you, the public ? Well the bad news is that it doesn't leave you in very good shape. The good news is that once you realize this, then you actually have a chance to beat the system. Like a Judo champion, you have to learn to use the weight and momentum of your opponent against him. You have to make all that ego and apathy work for you instead of against you.
How can you do that ? Well that's a post for another time. For now, my advice is that anytime you have to do anything with the government....build an addition, seek remedy for a neighborhood problem, deal with a new tax, etc etc that you drop me an email first. My personal experience is that 20%-30% of the time, you're being ripped off or being given bad information. So drop me an email. I'm happy to be your man on the inside.
While this might seem overly simplistic to some and obvious to others, as someone who has worked in the business for over a dozen years, I've found it shocking.
You see, I've always assumed the best in people and I've always has a fair amount of faith that the cream always rises to the top. Sadly, experience is teaching me thats not necessarily the case, especially in government. Lets break it down like this.
For the elected.
- In order to get into office, you have to run for office. To run for office you have to go out and get petitions signed. This entails walking around asking people for their approval and signature. For that you either need no ego or a super-duper ego.
-Then you need to put yourself on a ballot and have people examine, prod, interrogate, and eventually choose or reject you. Again, you either have to have a huge thirst for that sort of attention ( which would make you a narcissist) or you'd have to be immune to that sort of abuse ( which would make you a sociopath).
- Finally, once you get elected, every decision that you make is going to be subject to criticism, ridicule, and protest. The exception to this would be if you're handing people money without asking them for anything in return...which is the only time you actually see your elected officials if they can help it.
So you can see that the very process itself eliminates most capable, reasonable folks who have neither the time nor inclination to subject themselves to that sort of abuse and scrutiny.
Largely, what you're left with are people adamantly seeking the approval of some, adamantly rejecting the protests of others, and using the powers of their office as tools to do both.
For the non-elected government employees.
- If they're state or federal unionized employees...forget about it. Its going to take even the most enthusiastic well intentioned new employee about two weeks to stop giving a shit. Its a lousy culture where seniority trumps ability and hard work is not only not rewarded, its discouraged.
- For non-union employees you do have some hope. Your hope there is that their enthusiasm lasts a total of four weeks. You see, most governmental jobs entail telling people who should be able to do stuff that they can't....and telling people who shouldn't be able to do stuff, that they can. If you're wondering why that is, please re-read the last part of the elected officials section about using the tools of their office.
So where does that leave you, the public ? Well the bad news is that it doesn't leave you in very good shape. The good news is that once you realize this, then you actually have a chance to beat the system. Like a Judo champion, you have to learn to use the weight and momentum of your opponent against him. You have to make all that ego and apathy work for you instead of against you.
How can you do that ? Well that's a post for another time. For now, my advice is that anytime you have to do anything with the government....build an addition, seek remedy for a neighborhood problem, deal with a new tax, etc etc that you drop me an email first. My personal experience is that 20%-30% of the time, you're being ripped off or being given bad information. So drop me an email. I'm happy to be your man on the inside.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
diorama suckers
And the next two pictures would have had an entirely different connotation 20 years ago.
Thompson
In the staff meeting this morning
me: I have a question about past policy. I notice that you and I both called Thompson for an engineering consultation and that we're passing that charge along to the applicant. In instances where we're the ones asking for the consult, should be bear that cost ?
kook: I haven't called Thompson in ...well.....since like Novermber
me: Ok. I'm asking if we should eat that cost or if we should pass that along ?
kook: Maybe it was early December, but I think it was November.
me (staring blankly)
kook: It was November I'm sure of it, it was around Thanksgiving.
me: I don't need to know WHEN, I need to know who pays for it.
kook: If you have a problem with me calling Thompson, then I wont call him without asking you first.
me: WHAT ?!
kook: I never call Thompson unless its absolutly necessary, and now you're saying I use Thompson too much.
me: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?
kook: I call Thompson when we need Thompson, i just don't call Thompson to call Thompson
me: (staring astonished)
kook: Thompson...Thomp....son, Thompson
me: Is there any way that you coul...
kook: Thompson
me: could please stop talking. Seriously, please just stop talking
kook: urmph-son...urmph
me: ( head on the table)
me: I have a question about past policy. I notice that you and I both called Thompson for an engineering consultation and that we're passing that charge along to the applicant. In instances where we're the ones asking for the consult, should be bear that cost ?
kook: I haven't called Thompson in ...well.....since like Novermber
me: Ok. I'm asking if we should eat that cost or if we should pass that along ?
kook: Maybe it was early December, but I think it was November.
me (staring blankly)
kook: It was November I'm sure of it, it was around Thanksgiving.
me: I don't need to know WHEN, I need to know who pays for it.
kook: If you have a problem with me calling Thompson, then I wont call him without asking you first.
me: WHAT ?!
kook: I never call Thompson unless its absolutly necessary, and now you're saying I use Thompson too much.
me: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?
kook: I call Thompson when we need Thompson, i just don't call Thompson to call Thompson
me: (staring astonished)
kook: Thompson...Thomp....son, Thompson
me: Is there any way that you coul...
kook: Thompson
me: could please stop talking. Seriously, please just stop talking
kook: urmph-son...urmph
me: ( head on the table)
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
one more
I'm on a movie kick and a reading kick. I need something to fill my nights now that I'm not spending that time sitting in a bar...or sleeping. The voices have been particularly annoying lately and last nights dreams involved rabid leaping iguanas, very unsettling.
Anyway FWIW:
Movie
Half Nelson. Junior High teacher smokes crack. Worth getting but about 30% longer than necessary. Shareeka Epps is going to be a star someday.
Books
A Dog In A Hat, by Joe Parkin. Joe Parkin's account of his experiences as an American bicycle racer in Belgium in the late 80's. Easy read, fun, interesting. A lot is being made about the sections on drugs. The book does take an honest look at drugs in cycling, but offers a good bit more than that. Recommended.
Goodbye Amelia by Simone Felice. I got this because I'm a fan of the Felice Brothers and this book had decent reviews. Its essentially a short story followed by a series of poems. I couldn't get through the poems and I found the short story to be depressing. The text is written with the feel of song lyrics which might be good for a CD jewel case, but starts to lose its appeal after 40 pages. There are parts that tease with being really well done, but just miss the mark. This is Felice's first book, and I suspect that he'll get better in time. Not recommended.
Anyway FWIW:
Movie
Half Nelson. Junior High teacher smokes crack. Worth getting but about 30% longer than necessary. Shareeka Epps is going to be a star someday.
Books
A Dog In A Hat, by Joe Parkin. Joe Parkin's account of his experiences as an American bicycle racer in Belgium in the late 80's. Easy read, fun, interesting. A lot is being made about the sections on drugs. The book does take an honest look at drugs in cycling, but offers a good bit more than that. Recommended.
Goodbye Amelia by Simone Felice. I got this because I'm a fan of the Felice Brothers and this book had decent reviews. Its essentially a short story followed by a series of poems. I couldn't get through the poems and I found the short story to be depressing. The text is written with the feel of song lyrics which might be good for a CD jewel case, but starts to lose its appeal after 40 pages. There are parts that tease with being really well done, but just miss the mark. This is Felice's first book, and I suspect that he'll get better in time. Not recommended.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Movie Recommendations
A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints Highly recommended. Incredible directorial debut, amazing cast, compelling story. Best film I've seen in the last 12 months. Currently on Comcast On Demand under the Sundance Channel.
Even Cowgirls Get the Blues. Watched it because it showed up On Demand 1 day after I looked up Lorraine Bracco on imdb and figured it was fate. I may have been wrong. Great cast, but poorly done. Save yourself the trouble.
Dig!. Documentary that follows two bands on opposite paths. The upward rise of the less talented but more sane Dandy Warhols set a fitting backdrop against the death spiral of amazingly talented and self-destructive Anton Newcomb and his Brian Jonestown Massacre. Highly recommended. Great music.
The Bridge. Compelling documentary. Eric Steel filmed the Golden Gate Bridge from two locations for all of 2004, and then followed up with stories about the people who attempted and committed suicide from the bridge during that period. Not particularly uplifting but very compelling. I'll recommend it, but caution that its likely to be watched at an emotional expense.
Even Cowgirls Get the Blues. Watched it because it showed up On Demand 1 day after I looked up Lorraine Bracco on imdb and figured it was fate. I may have been wrong. Great cast, but poorly done. Save yourself the trouble.
Dig!. Documentary that follows two bands on opposite paths. The upward rise of the less talented but more sane Dandy Warhols set a fitting backdrop against the death spiral of amazingly talented and self-destructive Anton Newcomb and his Brian Jonestown Massacre. Highly recommended. Great music.
The Bridge. Compelling documentary. Eric Steel filmed the Golden Gate Bridge from two locations for all of 2004, and then followed up with stories about the people who attempted and committed suicide from the bridge during that period. Not particularly uplifting but very compelling. I'll recommend it, but caution that its likely to be watched at an emotional expense.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Fire Truck McGee
I have a guy who works for me who has Bullshittopian-Onset Deafness. He gets louder and louder everytime he's feeding me a line of crap. He just spent the last 10 minutes screaming at the top of his lungs. He finally stopped when I put my head on my desk and just started shaking it back and forth. I still have no idea what he was talking about.
I have a woman who works here who I affectionately call PAT. That's short for Passive-Aggressive Alec Trebek. She only phrases sentences in the form of a question, and the question is always some attempts to make a point to rat-out someone. So I make every attempt to directly answer her question, and only her question, with no additional comment. The conversations go something like this:
PAT: How long are people supposed to take break ?
ME: 15 minutes
PAT: Umm, did you let anyone take a 20 minute break this morning ?
ME: No.
PAT: (pause...baffled...waiting for me to ask her why)
ME: ( staring at her blankly)
PAT: So you didn't let anyone do that ?
ME: ( more staring )
PAT: ( nervously shuffles away and goes to her office to cry)
Finally I have a woman who is confused. That's the most polite was to put it. So when she has to make a decission, which is essentially the main part of her job, he just arbitrarily picks some standard phrase out of a hat. I don't mean that metaphoricly, I mean there's a fairly good chance that she has a hat which some standard phrases in it, and when faced with a dilemma, she goes to the hat. The result is that regardless of what other information you provide, or arguement you make, you're going to get "the hat".
HAT: It can't be more than 14 feet.
ME: I'm not asking for its width, I'm asking what material is it made of.
HAT: Right, ok.
ME: So ??????
HAT: 14 feet.
ME: 14 feet ? WTF ?! What does that have to do with my question ?
HAT: Yeah, 14 feet. That's the widest it can be. Right. 14 feet.
It's Monday. There's no way that we all make it past Wednesay. By we I mean me, them and sobriety. Somebody is going to have to go.
I have a woman who works here who I affectionately call PAT. That's short for Passive-Aggressive Alec Trebek. She only phrases sentences in the form of a question, and the question is always some attempts to make a point to rat-out someone. So I make every attempt to directly answer her question, and only her question, with no additional comment. The conversations go something like this:
PAT: How long are people supposed to take break ?
ME: 15 minutes
PAT: Umm, did you let anyone take a 20 minute break this morning ?
ME: No.
PAT: (pause...baffled...waiting for me to ask her why)
ME: ( staring at her blankly)
PAT: So you didn't let anyone do that ?
ME: ( more staring )
PAT: ( nervously shuffles away and goes to her office to cry)
Finally I have a woman who is confused. That's the most polite was to put it. So when she has to make a decission, which is essentially the main part of her job, he just arbitrarily picks some standard phrase out of a hat. I don't mean that metaphoricly, I mean there's a fairly good chance that she has a hat which some standard phrases in it, and when faced with a dilemma, she goes to the hat. The result is that regardless of what other information you provide, or arguement you make, you're going to get "the hat".
HAT: It can't be more than 14 feet.
ME: I'm not asking for its width, I'm asking what material is it made of.
HAT: Right, ok.
ME: So ??????
HAT: 14 feet.
ME: 14 feet ? WTF ?! What does that have to do with my question ?
HAT: Yeah, 14 feet. That's the widest it can be. Right. 14 feet.
It's Monday. There's no way that we all make it past Wednesay. By we I mean me, them and sobriety. Somebody is going to have to go.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
fianlly
I finally figured out how to switch my blogger acct from my yahoo email address to my gmail address. This probably doesn't sound like a big deal to you, but its a real pain in the ass to switch back and forth especially since blogger automatically logs you out of gmail when you log into blogger under another email address.
This should just about end my relationship with yahoo. Coincidentally it comes are just about the time when I'm starting to harbor some real resentment for google.
Here's the deal with google. At this point they have my email, they're quickly accumulating most of my documents with their free office package, I realized today they have one of my credit cards, the have all of my family pictures...
Yeah I know that google is a front for the CIA and yes I know they're the first real incarnation of Big Brother and google will eventually enslave all of mankind.... but come on, their shit is really really good.
Screw it, I'm gonna be someone's slave I might as well have the most convenient master.
This should just about end my relationship with yahoo. Coincidentally it comes are just about the time when I'm starting to harbor some real resentment for google.
Here's the deal with google. At this point they have my email, they're quickly accumulating most of my documents with their free office package, I realized today they have one of my credit cards, the have all of my family pictures...
Yeah I know that google is a front for the CIA and yes I know they're the first real incarnation of Big Brother and google will eventually enslave all of mankind.... but come on, their shit is really really good.
Screw it, I'm gonna be someone's slave I might as well have the most convenient master.
Friday, January 09, 2009
playing hookie
Instead of work and school, I got the kids up early yesterday and we went skiing.
Yesterday was "Pennsylvania Learn to Ski Day" and you could ski at any participating location for $10. Yeah $10. That included the pass, lessons, skis, boots, etc. Too good to pass up.
The only catch was that I had an important work meeting at 3 pm. This wasn't going to be a problem as we would ski from 9:00 am until around 1:00 pm putting me back in town at around 2:00...2:20. Well it wasn't going to be a problem until I hit dead stop traffic on I-83.
I called Mrs. Flick and asked that she meet me at work with some clothes as it would have been awkward to attend the meeting in snowpants. Then, driving in a manner that allowed for my creative side to shine through, I busted a move and headed directly to work.
I arrived in the parking lot at, literally, 2:58 pm. Anxious to get inside and desperately having to pee, I grabbed a pile of clothes and a bag from Mrs. Flick and ran into my office. Instead of running upstairs to where the meeting was I ran into the public bathroom downstairs figuring I could take care of the peeing problem right away, and at the same time change downstairs and save all appearances.
I entered the bathroom and locked the door behind me. As I stood at the uninal relieving my most immediate problem I made best use of time by stripping down. Off went the jacket and shirt, down went my snowpants and longjohns, and I tossed the hat and glasses to the ground behind me.
That's when I found out that the lock in the public bathroom doesn't work.
As I was standing there the door flew open and some old-timer walked in.
" HEY !!!!", I yelled startled.
The old timer looked up surprised and got an eyefull of me standing there stark naked at the urinal with my pants around my ankles, and with clothes and bags strewn around the bathroom and sink.
" WHAT IN _THE_ HELL IS GOING ON !" he yelled with a big emphasis on the THE.
" I'm IN here, just gimme a second !", I countered trying to sound as assertive as a man can while trying not to trip over his own underwear.
He backed up and slammed the door.
I could hear him out there mumbling, so instead of getting fully dressed I threw on my dress pants and hastily buttoned my dress shirt. Then as best I could I picked up all my stuff in a big dangling pile.
By the puzzled and somewhat disgusted look on his face, I suspect ( esp. with me carrying the bags, no shoes, and hair standing on end) that he took me for some sort of homeless guy.
I opened the door and hustled past him quickly, " Have at it pal, Its all yours."
Yesterday was "Pennsylvania Learn to Ski Day" and you could ski at any participating location for $10. Yeah $10. That included the pass, lessons, skis, boots, etc. Too good to pass up.
The only catch was that I had an important work meeting at 3 pm. This wasn't going to be a problem as we would ski from 9:00 am until around 1:00 pm putting me back in town at around 2:00...2:20. Well it wasn't going to be a problem until I hit dead stop traffic on I-83.
I called Mrs. Flick and asked that she meet me at work with some clothes as it would have been awkward to attend the meeting in snowpants. Then, driving in a manner that allowed for my creative side to shine through, I busted a move and headed directly to work.
I arrived in the parking lot at, literally, 2:58 pm. Anxious to get inside and desperately having to pee, I grabbed a pile of clothes and a bag from Mrs. Flick and ran into my office. Instead of running upstairs to where the meeting was I ran into the public bathroom downstairs figuring I could take care of the peeing problem right away, and at the same time change downstairs and save all appearances.
I entered the bathroom and locked the door behind me. As I stood at the uninal relieving my most immediate problem I made best use of time by stripping down. Off went the jacket and shirt, down went my snowpants and longjohns, and I tossed the hat and glasses to the ground behind me.
That's when I found out that the lock in the public bathroom doesn't work.
As I was standing there the door flew open and some old-timer walked in.
" HEY !!!!", I yelled startled.
The old timer looked up surprised and got an eyefull of me standing there stark naked at the urinal with my pants around my ankles, and with clothes and bags strewn around the bathroom and sink.
" WHAT IN _THE_ HELL IS GOING ON !" he yelled with a big emphasis on the THE.
" I'm IN here, just gimme a second !", I countered trying to sound as assertive as a man can while trying not to trip over his own underwear.
He backed up and slammed the door.
I could hear him out there mumbling, so instead of getting fully dressed I threw on my dress pants and hastily buttoned my dress shirt. Then as best I could I picked up all my stuff in a big dangling pile.
By the puzzled and somewhat disgusted look on his face, I suspect ( esp. with me carrying the bags, no shoes, and hair standing on end) that he took me for some sort of homeless guy.
I opened the door and hustled past him quickly, " Have at it pal, Its all yours."
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
boastful - so what its my blog
I just completed 12 weeks of a return to exercise.
90 hours
over 20 miles of swimming
800+ miles of cycling
115 miles of running
and I went from 209 down to 201 lbs.
I know that's pretty pedestrian to some of the people who read this, but I'm pretty happy with it. I at least feel like I'm turning the boat around and heading in the right direction.
90 hours
over 20 miles of swimming
800+ miles of cycling
115 miles of running
and I went from 209 down to 201 lbs.
I know that's pretty pedestrian to some of the people who read this, but I'm pretty happy with it. I at least feel like I'm turning the boat around and heading in the right direction.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
on the contrary - conversation with a 6 year old
Did you have fun at school today ?
- no
Well then did you learn anything ?
- no
Come on, don't be like that you like school.
- no I don't
You're just being a contrarian.
- no I'm not
Do you even know what a contrarian is ?
- no
It means that you're disagreeing just for the sake of disagreeing.
- (pause) no I'm not.
- no
Well then did you learn anything ?
- no
Come on, don't be like that you like school.
- no I don't
You're just being a contrarian.
- no I'm not
Do you even know what a contrarian is ?
- no
It means that you're disagreeing just for the sake of disagreeing.
- (pause) no I'm not.
Monday, January 05, 2009
grand idea
The Butt Sling (tm)(c)(patent pending)(etc etc)
This device, which easily fits in a purse or jacket pocket would allow the user go in a public bathroom without having to touch anything.
The hooks go onto the stall walls, and the user sits in the sling. You'd still have to keep your feet on the ground...this isn't a swing or carnival ride....but you lean back into in and are perched above the seat itself.
I was going to get a picture of a stall and then photoshop to demostrate the sling in action, but my setting is currenly on " don't filter my searches" instead of "moderate safe search" and the first batch of images that came back for "bathroom stall" were too repullsive to continue.
This device, which easily fits in a purse or jacket pocket would allow the user go in a public bathroom without having to touch anything.
The hooks go onto the stall walls, and the user sits in the sling. You'd still have to keep your feet on the ground...this isn't a swing or carnival ride....but you lean back into in and are perched above the seat itself.
I was going to get a picture of a stall and then photoshop to demostrate the sling in action, but my setting is currenly on " don't filter my searches" instead of "moderate safe search" and the first batch of images that came back for "bathroom stall" were too repullsive to continue.
Friday, January 02, 2009
Billie Joe McCallister
The annual family Christmas party is always enjoyable and insightful.
The year the dessert table discussion revolved around the song Ode to Billie Joe, the lyrics and the motivations of Billie Joe for jumping of the Tallahatchie Bridge.
After much debate and discussion we were all informed by Uncle Walt that Billie Joe jumped off the bridge was a result of his having had a homosexual experience. This incited a riot that culminated with Uncle Walt screaming over and over, " having a gay experience does not make you gay !" and then suggesting that perhaps the other members of the family might do well to get off their fat asses and go to a library once in a while.
Of course Uncle Larry asked, " Should we browse around or go straight to the gay section ?"
In any case, I got a kick out of this today...go down to the heading titled Novel and Screenplay Adaptations.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ode_to_Billie_Joe
The year the dessert table discussion revolved around the song Ode to Billie Joe, the lyrics and the motivations of Billie Joe for jumping of the Tallahatchie Bridge.
After much debate and discussion we were all informed by Uncle Walt that Billie Joe jumped off the bridge was a result of his having had a homosexual experience. This incited a riot that culminated with Uncle Walt screaming over and over, " having a gay experience does not make you gay !" and then suggesting that perhaps the other members of the family might do well to get off their fat asses and go to a library once in a while.
Of course Uncle Larry asked, " Should we browse around or go straight to the gay section ?"
In any case, I got a kick out of this today...go down to the heading titled Novel and Screenplay Adaptations.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ode_to_Billie_Joe
The voices...the voices
So I took a vacation from drinking. I'm trying to work out more and I need to lose some weight, and the drinking was proving to be counter productive to both of those endeavors. So until I get down to fighting weight, I've decided to lay off the sauce.
Its been about a month.
First two weeks were no problem. I was motivated, I was focused, frankly I was probably still fairly pickled.
Third week, mostly out of habit, I could have used a beer. But all in all it wasn't that tough to abstain, especially as I was feeling better and I was starting to see some weight come off.
The fourth week has brought about some unexpected consequences. I've come to remember one of the reasons that I drink in the first place....the voices.
Well they're less voice and more random thoughts. Hmmm, maybe I can explain it this way. Have you ever (over)loaded the back of a van for a long trip ? You get everything in there and then quick-shut the door. Well that's what drinking has done for me. To stay with the analogy, have you ever gotten to the end of your trip and lifted the read hatch only to have all the shit that you crammed back come pouring out onto the driveway in a giant avalanche of diaper bags, luggage, and holiday deserts ? That's what stopping drinking has done for me.
So,years and and years of random disassociated thoughts that have been well crammed behind a sturdy wall of scotch have suddenly decided to pour out all over my mental driveway. That in and of itself would be tolerable, but the resultant increase in my daily mental faculties due to a lack of a steady running hangover has also provided me substantially extra RAM to create an entirely new batch of disassociated thoughts that are sometimes funny, often scary, and ultimately exhausting.
Stuff like:
- wondering if child molesters covertly use midget porn as a legal, if somewhat unsatisfying alternative, and if so how that revelation might be used for the benefit of mankind.
- thinking about using farting as an effective anti-tobacco political statement. As in, would farting in the face of a smoker provide them some perspective on the situation ? Then wondering about the unintended, but potentially entertaining, consequences of uniting flatulence and flame.
- revisiting the idea of putting the shortstop between the pitcher and the catcher to obscure the vision of the batter and wondering how many games you could do it before the commissioner would convene a special meeting of the rules committee.
- Trying to come up with 5 common, yet funny, scenarios where I could use the phrases " It's no..." and " It's not..." in ways that it sounds like " Its snow..." and "Its snot.." and getting stuck at 1....OK, at 0.
And that's just a sample of stuff from like this morning...between alarm clock snoozes.
Anyway, I'm starting to wonder if perhaps, at least in my case, that the drinking might be the safer alternative.
Its been about a month.
First two weeks were no problem. I was motivated, I was focused, frankly I was probably still fairly pickled.
Third week, mostly out of habit, I could have used a beer. But all in all it wasn't that tough to abstain, especially as I was feeling better and I was starting to see some weight come off.
The fourth week has brought about some unexpected consequences. I've come to remember one of the reasons that I drink in the first place....the voices.
Well they're less voice and more random thoughts. Hmmm, maybe I can explain it this way. Have you ever (over)loaded the back of a van for a long trip ? You get everything in there and then quick-shut the door. Well that's what drinking has done for me. To stay with the analogy, have you ever gotten to the end of your trip and lifted the read hatch only to have all the shit that you crammed back come pouring out onto the driveway in a giant avalanche of diaper bags, luggage, and holiday deserts ? That's what stopping drinking has done for me.
So,years and and years of random disassociated thoughts that have been well crammed behind a sturdy wall of scotch have suddenly decided to pour out all over my mental driveway. That in and of itself would be tolerable, but the resultant increase in my daily mental faculties due to a lack of a steady running hangover has also provided me substantially extra RAM to create an entirely new batch of disassociated thoughts that are sometimes funny, often scary, and ultimately exhausting.
Stuff like:
- wondering if child molesters covertly use midget porn as a legal, if somewhat unsatisfying alternative, and if so how that revelation might be used for the benefit of mankind.
- thinking about using farting as an effective anti-tobacco political statement. As in, would farting in the face of a smoker provide them some perspective on the situation ? Then wondering about the unintended, but potentially entertaining, consequences of uniting flatulence and flame.
- revisiting the idea of putting the shortstop between the pitcher and the catcher to obscure the vision of the batter and wondering how many games you could do it before the commissioner would convene a special meeting of the rules committee.
- Trying to come up with 5 common, yet funny, scenarios where I could use the phrases " It's no..." and " It's not..." in ways that it sounds like " Its snow..." and "Its snot.." and getting stuck at 1....OK, at 0.
And that's just a sample of stuff from like this morning...between alarm clock snoozes.
Anyway, I'm starting to wonder if perhaps, at least in my case, that the drinking might be the safer alternative.
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