Fire Truck McGee

I have a guy who works for me who has Bullshittopian-Onset Deafness. He gets louder and louder everytime he's feeding me a line of crap. He just spent the last 10 minutes screaming at the top of his lungs. He finally stopped when I put my head on my desk and just started shaking it back and forth. I still have no idea what he was talking about.


I have a woman who works here who I affectionately call PAT. That's short for Passive-Aggressive Alec Trebek. She only phrases sentences in the form of a question, and the question is always some attempts to make a point to rat-out someone. So I make every attempt to directly answer her question, and only her question, with no additional comment. The conversations go something like this:

PAT: How long are people supposed to take break ?

ME: 15 minutes

PAT: Umm, did you let anyone take a 20 minute break this morning ?

ME: No.

PAT: (pause...baffled...waiting for me to ask her why)

ME: ( staring at her blankly)

PAT: So you didn't let anyone do that ?

ME: ( more staring )

PAT: ( nervously shuffles away and goes to her office to cry)


Finally I have a woman who is confused. That's the most polite was to put it. So when she has to make a decission, which is essentially the main part of her job, he just arbitrarily picks some standard phrase out of a hat. I don't mean that metaphoricly, I mean there's a fairly good chance that she has a hat which some standard phrases in it, and when faced with a dilemma, she goes to the hat. The result is that regardless of what other information you provide, or arguement you make, you're going to get "the hat".

HAT: It can't be more than 14 feet.

ME: I'm not asking for its width, I'm asking what material is it made of.

HAT: Right, ok.

ME: So ??????

HAT: 14 feet.

ME: 14 feet ? WTF ?! What does that have to do with my question ?

HAT: Yeah, 14 feet. That's the widest it can be. Right. 14 feet.


It's Monday. There's no way that we all make it past Wednesay. By we I mean me, them and sobriety. Somebody is going to have to go.