felt philosophy

During poker games there's a lot of downtime. Between the shuffling and the folding, you spend a great deal of time just sitting there shooting the bull. Often this leads to some very odd, and often insightful exchanges.

Buster: Who won that tournament last week ?

Douglas: I forget the guys name. It was the dude who looks like Pee Wee Herman.

B: Oh right...yeah...I was that he had a big stack. I wonder if he's a pervert ?

D: What do you mean ?

B: Well he looks like Pee Wee Herman, I wonder if he's a pervert like Pee Wee Herman.

D: What the fuck are you talking about ? You shouldn't say things like that about people man. People overhear that shit and they might not know you're fucking around. Besides, Pee Wee Herman aint no pervert.

B: Aint no pervert ? They arrested his ass for jacking off in public.

D: First off all, it wasn't in public, it was in a porno joint. And what the fuck. If you go to a porno jont and you don't jack off you're a pervert. Secondly....Do you jerk off ?

B: Fuck you....only when I'm looking at a picture of your sister.

D: Yeah exactly. Everyone fucking beats their meat. Shit, I did it twice today. I might go into the bathroom during the next hand and do it.

some random dude: If you do that, I'd perfer you wash your hands afterwards. I don't want to touch your chips.

(laughter)

D: That's funny. My point is that every motherfucker on the planet is pounding his pud every night....INCLUDING the fucking cop who arrested Pee Wee. So I find it a little hypocritical that they arrest his ass and put his name in the paper and fuck the dudes life up.

B: Well I might spank it...but I don't go to no porno joint. That shit's creepy. And he was running a kids show. All I'm saying it that, AT LEAST, he should known better.

D: Well you gotta remember that this shit went down before the internet...before you could download some chick banging a horse or two chicks making out or whatever. Fuck, back then there was no Netflix or bullshit like that. And Pee Wee Herman aint walking into no West Coast Video and going into the room behind the curtain. The clerck and every fucking customer would be on the phone to the National Enquirer in two fucking seconds. Paparattzi and shit.

B: Papparattzi ? What the fuck are you talking about ?

D: I'm just saying that Pee Wee can't be walking into no video store and asking for Dickman and Throbin or Her-assic Park.

B: But he can walk into a porno house ?

D: Yeah man. Dudes who run the porno house have like.....a code of ethics or some shit. It's like a doctor or lawyer...what the fuck do they call that ? Confidentiality or whatever. Point is, they know how to keep their mouths shut.

B: My man, you are seriously out of your fucking mind.

D: Fine. Fuck you. I like Pee Wee Herman. I thought his movie was funny and shit and I think he got a raw deal. If I ever have my own movie I'd put his ass in...hook his ass up.

B: Yeah, what movie would that be ? Would it be called "Jacking off at the movies" ? Ahahahahahahahhahahahahahah......

D: Fuck you.....and it wouldn't matter what it was called...I wouldn't let your ass watch it anyway....your ass would be banned. Fuck it. You are now officially banned from any movie that Pee Wee Herman and I make.

B: .............aahhahahahahahahahahahaha... Me and Siskle would give that shit "two dicks down" ...ahahahahhaahahaha

D: Very funny motherfucker, deal the cards.