smack down

My wife called me last week to tell me that the school called our home to say that our son was involved in some fisticuffs at school.

This was a surprise because, as I've mentioned before, the boy is pretty passive. I won't go so far as to say that he's a pushover, but more often than not he’s content to just go with the flow and follow whomever is being assertive.

I should also point out that the boy is gigantic. He's the biggest kid in 1st grade, and almost the biggest kid in second grade.

He can also pack a punch. When he was taking karate he had a board breaking class. When he was getting ready for his competition he put on hit get-up and took out some sort of modified boxing glove for breaking boards.

I said to him, " go ahead give me your best shot."

He laughed and gave me a tap.

" No, I'm serious", I said, " go ahead."

" My teacher says I should never hit anyone unless they're attacking me."

" No, its ok, its just for fun. Show me what you got."

And with that the boy shrugged his shoulders, wound up and cold clocked me right on the tip of the chin.

For the next half hour I was completely punch drunk and my left eye stuck out like Marty Feldman.


So, in short, he's a gentle giant. So when we heard he was in a fight, it took us by surprise.

The principal explained that no only did he get in a fight, but that the boy he hit had to be picked up by his parents and taken to a dentist because his lip was busted up and his teeth were a little loose. The school also called to say that our son was beside himself that he had hurt the boy.

My wife asked if anyone figured out what had happened and the principal said that the boy who was hurt told her, " I kept picking on the boy and he kept telling me to stop, and I kept teasing him anyway....and then he just leveled me."

So, surprisingly, the school was pretty cool about the whole thing. They were calling us to tell us, but considered the matter closed..."boy-will-be-boys and all".

Of course, the school was the least of my concerns. My bigger worry was going to be calling the parent of the other kid. In my job I see my share of unreasonable people. And when you're kid is involved, people can get real unreasonable, real quick.

I called over to the house and the father answered. I introduced myself and expressed our concern for their son and explained that I had a talk with the boy. I readied myself for whatever was going to come and then was pleasantly surprised by the response. The father said, " I appreciate your concern. From what my son told me he had been teasing your boy on the playground. And after your son asked him to stop of few times, he clocked him. I've told my son a dozen times that if he keeps running around teasing people sooner or later someone is going to clock him. He's fine. The dentist said everything was ok. This will be a good lesson for him, don't worry about it."

I about fell out of my chair. There's still a little bit of old school left in the world.

And you know what, the dude is 100% right.

The incident brought me back my own youth. I remember going to the high school dances in 8th grade. Despite knowing all about being polite, a gentleman, and all the other stuff they try and teach you in Catholic schools, 8th grade boys sometimes can't get past the intense desire to pinch an ass now and again. And copping a feel is exactly what me and my cohorts were doing on Friday night in the crowded dance hall when a older, scarier, and much bigger guy came up to me with his girlfriend standing behind him and pointing.

" So which one of you dipshits grabbed my girlfriends ass ?", the large scary dude asked, looking right at me.

" IT WAS HIM !", she said pointing at me.

And it might as well have been. I was definitely one of the ass-grabbing offenders that night, but that didn't stop me from trying to plead my case,

" Well, you see..."

That's as far as I got before everything went white.

The next thing I saw when I came to was the ceiling. Then a second later the big dude's face appeared over top of me, "Maybe that will help you to remember to keep your fucking hands to yourself." And with that, cool as the other side of the pillow, the dude strolled away.

And you know what ? That dude was also 100% right.

It took getting slugged in the face, but at that moment I came to the realization that you should always treat people with respect. And perhaps more importantly, it taught me that in life there are consequences for your actions. Anytime I start to forget that lesson I have a little scar over my left eyebrow to remind me.

As for the young kid on the playground, I'm glad he's ok and I hope he takes something from the incident. For my son, I think he'd bought himself a couple of years before anyone decides to give him any shit.