I just got invited to a poker game on Friday night.
I called home to make sure there is nothing going on and got informed that I already have plans for Friday night.
I'm supposed to go Christmas Carolling.
First of all, I can't sing. Secondly, an unbeknownst to pretty much everyone in my neighborhood including my wife, I'm not exactly down with the whole Jesus as Messiah story, Lastly, who the hell goes Christmas carolling ?
Now, of course, there's no way for me to get out of this. If I don't show then everyone in the neighborhood is going to know that instead of celebrating the Christmas spirit with my family I'd rather be out gambling. I mean, that's true...but I don't want everyone KNOWING that.
And I know that if I agree to show and then leave after, that it will be a big production..." wherer are you going ?", " can't you stay a little longer ?", blah blah blah bullshit.
I'm considering just biting the bullet and going, but doing a reprise of Holloween and just getting totally loaded. I can get drunk and then yell stuff and sing inappropriate lyrics to some of the holiday favorites. So far I've come up with " We wish you a hairy cock ring, we wish you a hairy cock ring, we wish you a hairy cooooooock rinnnnnnngggggg....and a happy butt plug."
I may even bust out the whooie cushion costume.