I've been out of my mind lately, but I'm back baby...I'M BACK !
So Saturday night I went out with a buddy and his wife and had a few drinks and we all drove together. Around 11 pm I wanted to head home and went over to check with my pal.
" Hey man, you wanna get outta here ?"
" Ummm, can you give me a couple of minutes. My wife is getting a little tipsy and I'm pretty sure if I get another drink in I might be looking at a blowjob."
Being a team player as well as a big fan of oral I was going about to get in the way of a man with a plan, so I got a cue stick and started shooting some pool.
A short while later my buddy came up, " Ok man it's time."
" Hey man, I just started shooting this game...gimme a couple minutes."
He got very serious, " Look Flick, you don't understand, I have a very narrow window here. To do this right, I have to get her right in between sorta drunk and really drunk if she's going to go down on me. The window is open, lets go !?"
" Alright, alright....let just finish this one game it will take a minute. And I'll tell you what, I'll buy you guys one more round while I'm finishing up."
I walked over to the bar and ordered a Southern Comfort and Coke. What I got was Southern Comfort and Souther Comfort. I generously tipped the bartender and went back to the couple.
I gave the drink to the wife and as I went back to the pool table noted to my buddy, " no worries about the oral....after that drink I think you're getting the butt !"
I shot may game as my friend impatiently looked on. The eight ball no sooner hit the corner pocket then we were being hustled out of there and into the car. I sat in the front passenger seat and my buddy poured his wife, now starting to feel the effects of that last drink, into the back seat.
Pushing my luck I asked, " Hey man, I'm kinda hungry. Can you swing into the Mickey-D's real quick, they're open 24 hours now."
" NO...I'M TAKING YOU HOME.", the guy had one eye on the road and one eye in the read view mirror assessing his odds of the back seat situation.
Then the wife chimed in, " hey don't be like that ....Flick came out with us...the least you can do is get him a burger...what's the rush"...except is came out like, " heydontsbelikesthaaaaat...Flickscameoutwifuzzzz....theleasssseyoucaanndoizzz..blabblaaaaa"
The window, I belive, was closing.
We pulled into the McDonalds and up to the drive thru and the little box said, " Welcome to McDonalds...can you wait just a second."
Finally we placed the order. We zoomed up to the window. We handed over the money and the kid to forever counting the change. My buddy say there steaming...every second was feeling like an hour. He was constantly looking into the back seat watching his chances of a blow job start to fall asleep.
" JUST GIMME THE FOOD !!!!" and he grabbed the bag out of the kids hand.
Then my friend slammed on the accelerator and let go of the clutch.
The wheels were smoking as we sat in place and peeled out.
Finally the wheels burned through the french cry grease at the drive thru window and caught traction and we went flying out of the drive thru.
Now at this McDonalds the space from the window to the end of the parking lot is about 30 feet ! At that point you have to make a left. Then you go another...maybe.... 35 feet and have to make a right to get up to the main road.
My buddy never let off the accelerator.
We lurched forward and he yanked the wheel to the left and we all reached out to brace ourselves. Then, almost instantly, he turned the other direction and we snapped to the right.
Now for me, no big deal, I had one hand on my food bag and the other on the door handle. But for the Mrs. in the back seat and with a head full of SoCo, the reaction time was a little different. She reached to the right and the car snapped left and ....
It sounded like someone dropped a watermellon out of a second story window.
" uggghhhhh"...with a little wimper.
The Mrs. cracked her skull on the back seat window.
" uh, baby, are you alright ?", he ask after a little while.
" I......ahhhhh.....I think I'm bleeding...."
I looked straight ahead and started eating as fast as I could. When my buddy dropped me off he barely slowed down enough for me to jump out.
I called the next morning, " how'd you make out last night ?"
"I don't want to talk about it", he didn't sound happy.
" Well, I gotta hand it to you, you were right. You did have a window for head...just not quite like you expected."
"Ha ha, you're a funny guy. Real funny."
He said it, but I don't think he meant it.