Pilot Program

My father is a pilot who flies to different airports on an irregular schedule. In order to cope with constantly being out of his enviroment, he and his co-pilot have developed a pattern of behavior that creates and atmosphere of stability in an otherwise unstable situation. I think that's pretty cool.

I think this comes naturally to both of them as my father has always been a creature of habit and from what I've come to understand his co-pilot was cut from the same mold.

So they order the same breakfasts and the same dinners. His co always orders a steak, nothing else....no fries, no potatoes, no garnish. Barring a steak, it's a burger on a bun...again no extra. In fact he specifically asks NOTHING ELSE ON THE PLATE. Typically, that shit shows up with everything on the plate.

So for the two of them, this have become a sort of sociological experiment. What words and phrases, what manerisms, gestures, etc will exact the response that they want. Depending on the age, gender, and disposition of the waitperson....what EXACTLY can they say to increase the odds that the steak will come to the table as ordered.

Their latest experiment involves the following.....After leaving the airport, their first stop it to a convenience store to purchase one quart of gatorade ( Dad) and one quart of whole milk ( Co). It's what each of them drinks, and typically the hotel will not have these items available. They've both noticed that no matter what city they are in, no matter what the convenience store chain, that the check out person takes their and and places it over the top of the mouth of the bottle. Now for both of the pilots this is a real issue. They are going to the hotel and intend on drinking directly from the bottle....the drinks aren't going into a fridge or poured into a glass. The last thing they want is some pipply-faced kid rubbing his TB and syphillus stained hands all over the lip of their beverage.

So they've begun to hand the drinks to the clerck in particular ways to ensure that the cleck will handle the object in some alternative way. So far they've had limited luck with the two handed handover and little success with handing the bottle bottom first ( typically, the drink gets placed down and regripped in appropriately).

Obviously, the solution to the problem would be to say to the clerck " when you ring this up, could you please not put your fingers on the lip"...but if they were to go to that level then, in the end, they'd be two guys driving around bored out of their minds.

So I pass this challenge onto you. The next time you're in a store buying a drink, take note as to whether or not the cleck touches the top of your drink and perhaps what you said, how you handed it, time of day, or whatever other variables that you think relevant. Should you see any success, please pass along your suggestions.