Omar

Ron was at a tournament with a kid named Omar. They both had suffered through tough days. Ron lost his final game in the middle section and Omar went from having a winning position against a Grand Master, to drawing him. He was clearly bothered, but Ron tried to console him pointing out that the fact that he was able to even draw a player of that caliber was an amazing feat...which by the way, it was.

So the got back to the hotel room and Ron grabbed the remote control and laid on the bed. Omar went into the bathroom. After a while Omar didn't come out. Concerned, Ron tapped on the door, " hey dude, you alright in there ?". He leaned up against the door and could hear Omar half mumbling, half wimpering. Concerned, he cracked the door open to see what was happening.

The room was a haze.

Omar had filled the tub to the to top with the hottest of hot water. When Ron walked in Omar was gathering himself up and getting ready to toss himself into the scalding hot water.

" WHAT THE FUCK !?!?!" Ron yelled.

" I must be punished !!!"

Omar took his chess very seriously.

THE STORY OF OMAR THE CHESS MASTER

Omar is a cuban kid who walked into the chess club one day. He didn't speak any English at all. He sat down and played a game with Ron and pounded him...repeatedly. He then went about pounding everyone else in the club, and then as mysteriously wandered in...he left.

A couple weeks later he showed up again, and beat everyone again.

Finally the guys in the club went and got Marty. Marty is the embittered local chess master and the hero of the chess club. He rarely plays anymore, preferring to spend his mental energies on booze and setting up 3 ways with hot roller derby lesbians ( not a bad choice really). So they got Marty to show up and they waited for the Cuban kid to show. The kid sat down and after a furious battle, played Marty to a draw.

After finding a translater they figured out his story.

His name was Omar and had been on the Cuban junior national chess team. But after some of his relatives made a run for the US, he was no longer permitted to travel outside of Cuba and he was kicked off the chess team. One day he strapped him self only some two-by-fours and old tires and just about killed himself floating over to Key West.

Soon after, Omar became a regular at the club. And as his English improved he started coaching the younger players. One player in particular was hassling him one day and Omar kept telling the kid to cut it out. When the kid didn't listen, Omar reached over...and with great speed and dexterity...flipped the kid in the air.

As it turns out Omar, in addition to being a chess master, is also a karate master.

In communist countries chess is elevated to the same status as Olympic sports. So as a prodigy Omar was sent to the Cuba National Sports School for training. There with the chess team was the boxing team, wrestling team, baseball team and basketball team. Most of the time was spent on schooling and athletics. Most of the free time was spent beating the crap out of the chess team. At one point the Cuban Federation, through and exchange program with China, brought over a Chineese chess teacher. This guy got sick of his players showing up with black eyes, and missing practices after a beat down so he included Jujitsu and Karate into the chess players curriculum. Soon all the chess players were proficient in self defense.

So now this chess master karate master super genius has found freedom in the United States. No one has been willing to hire him for any quality work because he has no accredited schooling and he speaks with a Cuban accent. He's living here in a $300 a month apartment, playing chess, and making minimum wage as odd jobs. But at least his ass aint in a Cuban jail.

God Bless America.