One good cop

I'm known for not having the highest opinion of the police.

I appreciate the work that they do. Its a tough, dangerous, shitty job. But sitting across this side of the bargaining table I have to say that I have never met such a group of dysfunctional and disingenuous people. And considering who my friends are, that's saying something.

But it wasn't always that way. When I was growing up, the best friend of my buddies father was a city cop and he was a pisser. Two stories about that guy stand out to me.

One day he came up and handed my a packet of tin foil. I opened it up and inside was tar hash. HOLY SHIT ! You have to admit that even though i knew the dude, having a cop hand you some hash is a mind blowing experience. He said that he pulled over a 17 year old kid driving too fast in his parent's sports car. He ran the kid's license and it was clean. When he went to give the license back the kid was completely pale and sweating. My buddy didn't know why, but he knew something was up. On a whim he said to the kid, " Come on. Give it to me...NOW !" Low and behold, the kid reached under the seat, burst into tears and handed the cop the tin foil. The cop was astonished....here he was going to let this kid off with a warning and how he's got the kid for speeding, for posession, and who knows what they're going to do with the car. This is far more than the cop wanted to be dealing with and you know that the kid is, at this point, considering suicide. My buddy looked at the kid and said, " Get lost. Don't ever let me see you around here ever again."....and let the kid go. In my opinion a hell of a nice move. I mean the kid is out his drugs, you know that fucker probably never smoked weed again ( at least not that week anyway), and my buddy get a check mark in the karma file. Justice served. Oh yeah, I got some really boss hash*.

* this of course is way back in the day before I knew better. Drugs are bad...don't do drugs.

The other story occurs on the high seas. This dude was a chain smoker. He woke with a cig and fell asleep the same way. One day we all went out deep sea fishing out into the Atlantic. Once we set out, this dude realized that he had forgotten his lighter but all he did is when he got 3/4th down on one he'd light another one up. Once we got a few miles out, the seas got a little choppy with 3-4 foot swells and between all the rocking and putting all the lines out he got distracted and let his cigarette run out.

" Shit !"

He was pissed, but what were we going to do. We kept fishing. About 20 minutes later.

" Goddamn I'm starting to get sea sick. I need a cigarette. You don't have a lighter anywhere in this fucking boat ?

10 minutes later

" OK, fuck it ! We gotta go in."

No way. We told him there was no way were were going in. We had just suffered through a 2 hour boat ride to get out there and we hadn't even been fishing an hour. We weren't going back. He'd have to just deal with it. Everyone turned their attention back to fishing off the back of the boat. A few minutes later....

BAM !

An explosion rocked the boat and scared the shit out of everyone. When we turned around there was the cop. He was sprawled out, spread eagle, on his belly, across the bow of the boat. In one hand was his 9 mm police issue handgun. In his other hand was a cigarette. Before we could say a word, he eyed up the tip of that cigarette and.....

BAM !

He fires and then started sucking on the cigarette like someone trying to get a milkshake through a straw. That maniac was trying to shoot the tip of cigarette in the hope that it would light.

We all started screaming.

With 3 foot waves rocking hte boat up and down he was going to blow his hand off...beside that there was no freaking way that he was going to get that thing lit by shooting it anyway.

" FINE !" , he shouted..." FINE!", then he stood up, " Then I'll light the thing off the barrel !"

With that he aimed into the water and emptied the clip

BAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAM !

He put the cig to the barrel and drew in...nothing.

He started to reload.

Finally the captain acqiessed. " OK OK OK, I'll take you back in." And after another 15 minutes of fishing we turn back to shore.

See. I like some cops. You know... the normal ones.