Diagnosis

" What it looks like Bill, is that you have a vericose vein in your testicle"

" A WHAT !?!~"

" A vericose vein...like you get in your leg"

" In my nutsack ?"

" Well, aaaaa, in your left testicle...yes"

" So what does that mean ?"

" It means that a valve in the vein fails and under pressure you have blood pooling can that's causing swelling"

" I have backflow in my ballsack ?"

" well.....aaaaa....an interesting choice of words but for our purposes I suppose that's accurrate enough."

" JESUS ! Can't you do something about it ? They fix those things in people's legs"

" You'd like me to strip a vein in your scrotum ?"

" um....not if you put it that way...but will it help ?"

"no"

" Well what they hell can I do Doc. This thing hurts. It's like having a toothache in my dingle sack"

" Take some ibuprofin and keep the testicles secure for a week or two and the swelling should go down. You can't cure the problem, but once the swelling goes down the discomfort should leave as well. This may flair up from time to time, but in general you should be fine."

" OK...what exactly do you mean 'keep the testicles secure' ?"

" You should wear an athletic supporter for the next couple of weeks"

" A jockstrap ?! You want me to wear a jockstrap for the next couple of weeks ?"

" yes"

" No way. No f-ing way. Go ahead and cut my nuts of Doc, that will be fine."

" Huh ?"

" I'm not wearing a jockstrap. I didn't wear a jockstrap when I played basketball so I sure as hell am not wearing one now. How you ever had one of those things on ? I'm pretty sure that if I wear a jockstrap 24 hours a day for the next two weeks that it will finally push me over the edge and I'll start hanging around the bus station bathroom and listening to Simply Red CDs"

" I'm not sure I understand what...."

" Don't worry about it....all I'm saying is that I have no interest in programming in Will and Grace on my TIVO...is there anything else I can do...what about briefs instead of boxers. What if I buy some brief that are a little small for me or something like that ?"

" aaaaa, I suppose if you are adverse to the athletic supporter that might be a reasonable alternative"

" GREAT ! Thanks doc"

So while my co-workers that I'm sitting here (comfortably) working furiously, what they fail to realize is that I'm actually very uncomfortably sitting here blogging away with my nutsack filled with back flow and my underpants hiked up around my nipples.

Things are not always what they seem.