Golfing Tips

I played in a golf outing yesterday. Outing are usually pretty interesting in that they often combine excellent golfers with guys who play once a year. This brings together a broad variety of talent, etiquette, and personalities. That mix can either be the source of angst or the source of great entertainment depending on how you approach the game. To those ends I offer up some advice for the Scramble/Outing golfer.

* Don't cheat. Seems simple enough, but I've seen people cheat at these things. You're not going to endear yourself to your playing partners or the general public if you cheat at a cancer benefit in order to win a t-shirt or a sleeve of balls. The only thing lower than cheating at golf is cheating at charity golf.

* Have fun. Most people suck at golf, it's just a matter of degrees. Don't be embarrassed by your play. Try your best, but if you hit the ball and it goes 200 yards straight up and 30 yards out, laugh...it is funny. Tossing you clubs or swearing just makes you look like an ass.

* On the strategy end of things, always have the rotation go from worst to best golfer. Even if you're not the best player you can be a tremendous asset to the better players by either showing them the line on a putt or by hitting a fairly good shot that allows them the freedom to attempt a risky shot. Talk to your partners about how you're approaching the hole. Part of the fun of a scramble is that it's a team event and cooperative play helps everyone contribute and adds to the fun of the day.

* For the inexperienced golfer....straight is 10x more important than far. Women make better beginner golfers than men. Women are concerned with keeping things between the lines, while men concern themselves with hitting the ball as hard as they can. 300 yards is impressive...but 300 yards into the woods is useless. You'll enjoy the game more by taking a half or 3/4th swing, making solid contact, and keeping the ball in play. As you gain confidence, you can add to the power. And your playing partners will not think you're a pussy, they'll appreciate having a ball in decent position that allows them to play with less pressure to perform.

* Forget trying to fix anything about your swing while your playing. Just swing. If your set-up is right, then just swing with a good tempo and let it go where it will. The ONLY thing that I would suggest people make a conscious effort to work on while they play is their BALANCE. At address weight should be slightly on your toes. At the finish of the swing you should be balanced with most weight on your front foot. If you've finished with the weight forward and are able to hold a balanced position and aren't stumbling all over the tee box, you'll hit the ball well 8 or 10 times.

* The #1 error that beginning players make around the greens is the check swing. From 50 yards in, the follow through is MORE important than any other part of the swing. My best advice for the new golfer is this....never bend your front elbow. Treat everything inside of 50 yards as a giant putt. make a short, smooth backswing and a long steady follow through. Sweep the grass, do not try to pick the ball or scoop the ball. The long putt strategy works every time.

* Learn some basic etiquette. The most notable errors are...don't drive the cart on or around the greens, don't walk in the line of the putt, don't talk when people are hitting, and DO NOT tee the ball up AHEAD of the tee markers.

* Oh yeah....while you might think that you are being clever, there are a handful of things that you shouldn't say because they make you seem like a super-duper asshole. For some reason, that doesn't stop at least one person from doing this every time I play
- Don't say " does your husband play" or " nice hit Sally" or any derivation of that when someone hits a putt short. The guy putting wasn't trying to hit it short ! Not only are you insulting his effort, but your challenging his manhood. Don't be a dick
- If someone hits the ball short of the ladies tee, don't bring up the thing about them having to play the hole with their dick out of their pants. It's stupid. As with the above, it's insulting. Additionally, it stopped being funny 100,000 times ago.
- Caddyshack, while among the greatest movies of all time, is also the most misquoted movie of all time. It's also the most overquoted movie of all time. If you're going to use a caddyshack quote, choose something that doesn't use the words " lumberyard" , " Cinderella", or " bejesus"
- Please don't be patronizing to players. Encouragement works great...but people are neither blind or stupid. No one is more aware of how bad they are than the golfer himself....no need to try and bullshit him.

Lastly, recognize the fact that the point of the outing and the scramble is to socialize and have fun. The golf is secondary. Use the day as an opportunity to have fun with your playing partners. If you can't have fun on the golf course, especially on a weekday afternoon, then you probably have issues bigger than your golf game.