The poop lady

We get a fair number of wackos who walk through the door each and every day here at local government central. I just got done with a lady who insists that our snow plow dug up her driveway, although it's been 6 weeks since we've had a plow out on the road. But one of the more interesting ladies that we've had come through here I affectionately refer to as the poop lady.

One morning a women in her early 70s came into the office with a complaint about her sewer, " Your sewer main is clogged !" she insisted.

" Ma'am. That's possible, but not likely. The sewer main is 8 inches wide and pretty tough to clog. And if it was clogged we'd be hearing from everyone in the neighborhood."

" IT'S CLOGGED I TELL YOU ! I HAVE MY NEIGHBORS FECES BUBBLING UP ON MY LAWN !"

As patiently as I could, " Ma'am, I don't doubt that the sewage has backed up through our vent pipe and on the lawn..but what's likely hapening is that YOUR lateral is blocked up...and it's your sewer that's backing up. I'd suggest that you call Roto-Rooter or some other plumber"

" DAGNABBIT ! Not MY FECES...I said it was my NEIGHBORS FECES ! Don't you listen ?"

Now I was getting a little pissed, " With all due respect, how would you the difference between you and your neighbors fecal matter ? "

" CAUSE I CHECKED IT !"

I'm not sure how I can explain my expression at that point...but astonishedly dumbfounded is pretty close.

She continued, " When that poop bubbled up on my lawn I went and got my trowel and examined it. And do you know what I found ?"

Still astonished and mouth agape, all I could do is shake my head no as she leand up on the counter putting her face a good 12 inches away from mine...

" CORRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNN !"

then she eased herself back off the counter can continued, " ....and I don't eat corn....but I did go to my neighbors recycling bin and do you know what I found ? "

" An empty can of corn ?"

"RIGHT ! an empty can of corn. So if you'll please fix you your sewer pipe, and quickly, I would appreciate it."

" yes ma'am"

And with that she turned around and walked out.

Seriously.

Now if that wasn't enough, about an hour later the phone rang. It was the little old lady, " I'm calling to apologize. When I got home I called my son to tell him about the situation. And do you know what he had for lunch on Tuesday ?"

" Cormn ma'am ?"

" That's right...corn. So I'll call a plumber and get this thing fixed."

"Thank you ma'am. And have a nice day."