Now I'm no gambler, but I have made the odd wager in my day. Here are among the most memorable
* I once ate two pounds of Fig Newtown in one hour, fifty-eight minutes and third-eight seconds. A record that stood for many years until shattered by Sva-kong's awe inspiring 58 minute performance.
Result - WINNER
* I once won a car in a poker game by losing. A buddy had a AMC V-8 Pacer. After a handful of drinks some sort of wager was devised where I would take ownerhship of the car for free if I won the hand, but I'd have to buy it from him for $400 if I lost. Well, I lost.
Result - not really sure, but we'll go with LOSER
* I once bet that I could snort a hunk of meatball and make it come out my mouth. I got the thing up, but it became lodged in one of my sinuses resulting in terrible pain and an ocean full of schnotz and tears.
Result: - LOSER
* Cup-o-dog-slobber. No need for graphic details here other than to say that if you wanted to no-vomit rule to be in effect you should have call it. Result - WINNER
* And I once bet my wife that it wouldn't snow more than 4 inches. That resulted in my sitting bare ass in 8 inches of snow for two minutes and freezing both ass cheeks numb.
I've also been the initiator of some decent wagers.
One late night it was 14 degrees with 30 mph winds and a below zero wind chill. I bet a guy a dinner he could stand outside on my deck in his underwear for 3 minutes. Actually the conversation went something like:
Me: man its freaking cold
Dave: yeah, no kiddin, if you got caught out in this shit how long do you think you'd survive ? Do you think someone could survive through the night like this ?
Me: I don't know about that, but I do know how long I could stay outside on a night like this.
Dave: really ? How long ?
Me: At least one minute longer than you.
Then it was game on.
After much haggling and many beer later the contest was sealed. If he could last the 3 minutes, I'd buy him one steak dinner.
About 45 seconds into it, I'm at the window with the stopwatch...he's out back underneath the little porch light on the back deck in his boxers....and he's jumping and hopping and blowing into his hands....and much to my delight he's totally freakin freezing to death.
Thats when my wife walked in.
All the noise woke her up and she came down to see what was going on. What she found was her husband sitting at the window watching another man dance in his underwear.
" WHAT IN THE HELL IN GOING ON !?!"
"wellyouseeIbetdavehecouldn't...andthen...but....yousee...beer....betting..."
"QUIET ! YOU COME IN THIS HOUSE"
Dave: " but I can't, I have another minute"
" INNNNN !!!!! NOW !!!!...GOOD ! Now you, get dressed and go home. AND YOU ! YOU go upstairs...and you're sleeping in the guest room !"
It really is amazing that I'm still married.
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