finally

It turns out that the youngest girl, previously thought of fearless, is in fact scared of something.

Unfortunately the thing she seems to be scared of is Halloween.

To remedy this I've convinced her that she and I will instead celebrate Smellfarticus. Smellfarticus is of course the lesser known autumnal holiday where you wrap your rectal gasses in decorative paper and gift them to your friends. My intent was to gross her out and make skeletons and black cats look reasonable by comparison. Instead, she liked it. Now I have to figure out how to wrap a fart.

Maybe its ME she should be scared of.


I can't believe I've been at this blog since 2005. I'll have to dig up the other costume pics, but here's a visit from ghosts past.

2005 <--CLICK HERE


2006


2007 <--CLICK HERE

there's luck...and then there's Obama

Talk about being on a good run.

Obama rented airtime from the television stations.

The 6th game of the World Series didn't get cancelled, it didn't get called off, the Rays TIED the game allowing the Series to be "postponed" for the first time in the history of the game.

To give you some perspective on that....nothing in baseball ever happens for the first time.
* Imagine someone striking out three batters. Then the catcher dropping the ball and the running running to first and making it there safely. Then the pitcher strikes out the next batter...giving the pitcher 4 strikeouts in one inning. Yeah, that's happened FOUR TIMES.
* Or imagine someone hitting a single, double, tripple, and home run in the same game...that happens like once every other year.
* DUDES...the ball bounced off of Conseco's head and out of the park for a home run once.

In any case, so this happens for the first time ever.

Then the weather is so bad that they have to postpone the game a second time !

Which pushes GAME 6, perhaps the last game of the series, into prime time...midweek....starting at the end of Obama's rented time.

I took my boy to a restaurant to watch the game. We had to go to two places before we got a table. I heard it was the same all over Central and Southeastern Pa.

Not only does Obama get this captive audience, but the two teams playing in the games don't end up being Los Angeles and Boston...but rather two key presidental swing states of Pennsylvania and Florida.

The dude is running hot.

P.S. John Daly...passed out....Hooters ! HAHAHAHAHHA !

Mal-apropriate, chickens beware.

The youngest girl finds herself regularly confused and opinionated. Apparently another genetic gift from her dear old dad. Just this weekend.

- Hey Dad why don't you ever take me to Ohio ?
. Why would you want to go to Ohio, there's nothing to do there ?
- Yeah, that's the point. We can sit around on the beach and drink stuff out of coconuts.
. Wha ? Do you mean Hawaii ?
- Yeah, whatever. I just want a coconut.


- Hey Dad, you're being rather pandarthic.
. Pandarthic ? That's not even a word.
- See ?! That's exactly what I'm talking about.


- Hey Dad, what's with all these Irish people ?
. Huh ? You mean Mr. Daniels ?
- Mr. Dadi- ? I'm talking about THOSE people over there.
. You mean Amish ?
- Yeah, whatever. Anyway what's their deal. They all have farms.
. Well a lot of Amish are farmers. Many of them are farmers or carpenters.
- Am I going to have to be Amish ?
. Why ?
- Cause I'm going to be a farmer when I grow up.
. Oh. You can be a farmer without being Amish. And I didn't know you wanted to be a farmer.
- Yeah. I'm going to be a farmer and live no a farm and all my friends will be animals.
. Even the one's you eat ?
- ( no pause) Actually, I WILL have to lie to the chickens.

phrases that put me on tilt

In golf....

* A scramble is where you and your partner(s) hit a shot. You choose the best of those shot, everyone drops a ball from there and plays your next shot from that same location.
* Best ball is where you and your partner(s) play you own ball all the way through the hole and then the team gets the score of whomever has the lowest individual score for the hole.

There's no such thing called BETTER BALL.

Is that so hard to understand?

In poker....

* Its a raise if someone else has bet and you are increasing the amount of the bet. Its a reraise, if someone has bet, a second person has already raised, and now your increasing the bet a second time.

In life....

"At the end of the day...." Gawd, enough already with this one.

" When you take the (xxxx) of the worlds" when people are talking about someone specific...as in " How will this affect the Tiger Woods of the world" or " We have to see the reaction of the Obama and McCains of the world" ...when they're really talking about Tiger Woods, McCain and Obama. Just talk about who the hell you're talking about...."of the worlds" should be used rarely and when your reference is someone who represents a larger segment of the population. Quite fucking ironicly, "Joe the Plumber" is the perfect example of someone who should have been " The Joe Plumbers of the world" but instead everyone got all focused on the actual and exact Joe the Friggin Plumber. BAH !

"It is what it is"...this put me immediately on super monkey tilt. This phrase might be the single greatest waste of breath in human history. It makes no contribution to the discussion in any way whatsoever. When is "it" ever anything else besides " what it is ?" Godamnit it makes me mad just typing it.

< oh I'm taking a break, but don't even think that I'm done with this >

Murtha is crazy

There aren't any racists in Western Pa.



BTW I did some student teaching just outside of Johnstown. The guy I taught with told me on day 1, " boy, you gonna find things work a little different around here than in Philadelphia...we had one black family in this town and we straightened that situation right out." When it rained he used to show the elementary school kids old Little Rascal videos, but only the ones that had " Aunt Jamima" and Spanky in blackface. I reported him to the University and out of spite the asshole gave me a B.

Of course that's not an indictment of the entire region, but to pretend that shit isn't rampant is just burying your head in the sand.

HA !

ty, Mike H.

dammit

You know, I start to feel good about things. I start to get a little bit of hope for the country and a little bit of enthusiasm that we all might be turning the corner to a more reasonable discussion, and then I see crap like this.

YO DEMOCRATS ! You're winning...show a little class. Show a little dignity. Show a little leadership. I mean goddamn, it tough enough for me to vote democrat as it is, please don't make me stay home on election day or force me to write in Ron Paul.

I suspect this would be less annoying if it wasn't for the fact that these pictures are coming from the Lancaster County Democratic site. They're encouraging and celebrating this ignorance.

I wonder if this frustration is what its like to be a cubs fan ?

sunday bloody sunday

Saturday night, without intending to, I got myself shitfaced drunk....again...on accident.

So this meant another horrid Sunday, sick as a dog with a days full of activities on the docket. I figured the only hope I might have would be to exercise it out.

I woke, ate a fistfull of ibuprofin and vitamins, chugged a cup of coffee, and went for a brisk ride with my wife and her friend. This did wonders for working the ibuprofin and coffee out of my system, but didn't do much for the hangover.

I took the boy to his football practice, then afterwards gave it another try and swam a mile. Terrible. No dice. Still had the headache and nausea, except now I smelled like chlorine.

Home, dinner, work around the house and played with the kids. Then I said screw it, and went for a 30 minute run...that turned into a jog, then that turned into a shuffling along the roadside like a vagrant. This of course was punctuated by brief forrays into the corn field to get rid the 3 full pots of coffee.

Finally got home sick as a dog, but still had to roast the pumpkin seeds with the kids. Did that then ate the roasted seeds with a little apple cider and VOILA !like a miracle the hangover left. Now some might say that it had worked itself out, so might say it was all the exercising, but 'some' don't know what the hell they're talking about. Pumpkin seeds and apple cider might actually be the cure for cancer.

In any case, I've given up the idea that I might be able to reign in my binge drinking, but I've committed myself to being the most fit guy on the liver transplant unit.

You know the cynical side of me almost wrote last night to bet on how long it would take to start attacking Joe the Plumber. Even I would have lost to the under.

Of course they're saying he's not a certified plumber.
He's no where near amking 250K or near buying his bosses buisness, that the whole thing is bunk.
AND
he's a close relation to Keating of the Keating 5.

Just so you know, I could give a shit. I frankly didn't put have much interest in Joe the Plumer when he was a hero and I wont give (pardon the inevitable pun) two turds when he's made into the foil.

Its all a fascade to keep everyone distracted from talking about the real subjects.

A friend wrote this to me today and I think it's brilliant:

"I don't know which one I detest more – the politics of fear or the politics of "I am going to see that the government ends poverty and helps you live the American dream" when in reality on the one side the conservatives are playing on the fears and ignorance of many, while the liberals are playing to the greed and gullibility of many. "

I also think this is a riot

Is McCain blinking in morse code ?

please let this be real

how the grand canyon was made

me: Did you give permission for the church to have a bonfire ?

her: Yes, that's always so much fun.

me: Well you can't do that. The ordinance is very clear, you cannot have bonfires.

her: But they're on more than 10 acres of land, so its ok.

me: No. The 10 acre provision in the ordinance is for agricultural purposes.

her: Yeah, well the farm there too. The have a nice barn....

me: No that's not the point. Agricultural purposes means that they can clear brush an-

her: ...and a little office, and when you drive in they have an old wagon. You should see it, your kids would love it.

me: Yeah, great. What I mean is that a bonfire is not an agricultural purpose. A bonfire is where you get a bunch of people together to dance around a giant pile of wood and get drunk.

her: Oh there people don't drink. Maybe I didn't tell you this if for the church.

me: Yeah I know. I didn't mean literally drink. I mean its for fun.

her: Maybe some of the people drink. They wont be drinking there of course, with kids and all. So if you're worried about them being drunk and letting the fire go out of control I can tell you that will not happen. The Pastor there is very strict. Some people think too strict and that he's a little, you know, firing brimstones too much, but in this day and age I think we need a little more of that you know ?

me: I...what ?!

her: OK ? So you want me to them know " no drinking !" and then they're okey dokey. Anything else.

me: No...I mean...they can't.............no, that will be fine thanks.

all a matter of perspective

I was itching to do something active last night. In lieu of that I took the boy bowling.

Now seeing as most of my peers are so fit that they say stuff like " I'm going to give a triathlon a try" and then go out and almost win the thing...its easy for me to start to get the impression that I'm a giant sack of crap.

My advice is, if you feel like you're not fit, not healthy, and carrying a few too many pounds...go to the bowling alley.

I went from being the Dom Deluise of the group to being the Burt Reynolds.

Bowling ! It's easier than all that movin' around.

Now Animated !

The link to the main site is over here

----------------------------------------->

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at 236.com.

forget all that...its friday

gimme that toot-toot...gimme that beep-beep...

Have a great weekend



bounce....bounce....bounce

who are they ?

Who is William Ayers ?

What exactly did Rev. Wright say..in total ?

Who were the Keating Five and what did they do ?

All this crap being throw around reminds me of the Chris Matthews interview with the douche who was calling Obama the new Chamberlain.



I'm all for informed criticism, provided that its actually informed.

retardeder

I've gotten increasingly and noticeably dumber. No concentration, forgetful, and illogical. I mean it's been a slow erosion, but lately its accelerated dramatically.

It's either the:

poker
booze
coffee
or lack of sleep

Interestingly, I've laid off the poker this last week which has me going to bed earlier. And since I'm not up, I'm not drinking.

Therefore if I"m not wickedly smart by 3:30 this afternoon, I"m blaming the coffee.

Yeah, I know that doesn't make any sense, but gimme a break, I'm retarded.

You know what's pissing me off ? I keep typing the " when I mean to be typing the '. That's really weird because you have to hit SHIFT in order to get the ". Jezze I'm losing it.

How's it go ? Frontal labotomy vs. bottle in front of me ?

Anyway, thanks to Rob the Bouncer this is in the bag

Infinate Jest by David Foster Wallace

Yet another good author who wrote some really funny stuff and then killed himself. Frankly that pattern is starting to make me uncomfortable. Good thing for Sez his site has gone down the tubes.

Ok, this has turned into useless rambling...I'm out.

TJ Cookier

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/29/news-views-gossip/tj-cookier-244128/

green aKers ?

Tim: You're always telling people what to do. You're like that fascist....what's his name ?

Tom: Mussolinni ?

Tim: No, no, no the one from T.V........what the fuck is his name ? Oh yeah, Eddy Albert.

Tom: EDDY ALBERT ?! From Green Acres ?!

Tim: Yeah right ! You're like Eddy " Fascist" Albert with all your rules and bullshit like that.

Tom: Seriously, what the hell are you talking about.

Tim: You ever listen to that theme song ? He's all like " Oooo I wanna be a gentleman farmer" and Zha Zha Gabor is all like " Please Eddy please, don't take me away from my family" and at the end he's all like " YOU ARE MY WIFE !!!" like threatening her and shit, just picking on this poor immigrant. And what's she going to do, " goodbye city life" that it, that's all she's got. That's me. All day long I'm like " goodbye city life" while your running around with your pitchfork and three piece suit giggling.

Tom: First off, its Eva Gabor. And you're no Eva Gabor. Secondly, there's a big fucking difference between Fascism traditional marriage rolls.

Tim: I suppose it seems that way when you're the one weilding the dick.

Tom: In any case. While I'm not advocating repression, you have to admit, under Mussolini the trains DID run on time.

Tim: Yeah, up until they burned the bastard.

Tom: If it saved him from having conversations like this, I'm sure it was a welcomed end. Now get back to work.

EEEEEEVELLLLLL

AN unbelievable story.

* Mine worker
* Convict
* Champion Insurance Salesman
* Poacher
* Arm wrestler
* and on and on

I like this:
On the morning of the jump, Knievel stopped in the casino and placed his last 100 dollars on the blackjack table (which he lost), stopped by the bar and had a shot of Wild Turkey and then headed outside where he was joined by several members of the Caesars staff, as well as two scantily clad showgirls. After doing his normal pre-jump show and a few warm up approaches, Knievel began his real approach. When he hit the takeoff ramp, he felt the motorcycle unexpectedly decelerate. The sudden loss of power on the takeoff caused Knievel to come up short and land on the safety ramp which was supported by a van. This caused the handlebars to be ripped out of his hands as he tumbled over them onto the pavement where he skidded into the Dunes parking lot. As a result of the crash, Knievel suffered a crushed pelvis and femur, fractures to his hip, wrist and both ankles and a concussion that kept him in a coma for 29 days

I used to have one of these

perception is reality

Down home soccer mom, woman of the people - Todd Palin works for the London-based oil company BP as an oil-field production operator and owns a commercial fishing business. The Palins have an estimated combined net worth of $1.2 million.

Big mean old rich white senator dude - With a net worth between $59,000 and $366,000,and almost no outside income or investment income, he is consistently ranked as one of the least wealthy members of the Senate.

GO FIGHTEN PHILS !!!!

Mott the Hoople

I'm not much of a music guy. I mean I like it, but I don't buy it...nor do I rip it off.

But usually once a year I get an impulse and buy something that grabs my attention.

2005 - 50cent - Get Rich or Die Trying
2006 - George Thorogoods Greatest Hits
2007 - Johny Cashs Great Hits ( as you can see I'm a greatest hits guy)

So this morning I went into Starbucks and

GLAM REVOLUTION - The Heyday & Legacy of Glam Rock

Queen, David Bowie, GOLDFRAPP !!!! by God GOLDFRAPP !!!....Mott THe Hoople, Adam and the Ants, Roxy Music and a seperate track by Bryan ( with a y) Ferry, T. Rex, The New York Dolls, Iggy Friggin-Pop.

My only disappointment is that it didn't come with a scarf and some eyeliner.

GLAM ON !