L.A.R.D.O aka the O-Him-Pics

Announcing the Laudien All-'Round Dude Ohimpics
or simply The O-Him-Pics

Baron Pierre de Coubertin founded the modern pentathlon believing the event would test a man's moral qualities as much as his physical resources and skills, thereby producing the ideal, complete athlete.
The modern pentathlon is an Olympic sport which consists of competition in five events in one gruelling day.
Competitors earn points for their performances in each of the five disciplines: pistol shooting, epee fencing, swimming, riding (equestrian show jumping) and cross-country running.

The total points scored in the first four events determine the starting order for the final event, turning the cross-country running into a handicap event.
The leading competitor sets off first and the intervals between that competitor and those who follow is determined by the points difference between them.

Because of this handicapping system, the first three competitors to cross the line at the end of the run fill the gold, silver and bronze medal positions.

In that same spirit, I've developed the Post-Modern Pentathalon. A series of 5 events meant to test the skills of today's modern man. Obviously this isn't a comprehensive test. Considering the practicality of fitting everything into a day, things such as 9 ball, belching, and surfing porn had to be eliminated. But I believe its a broad enough contest to determine a true champion.

THE EVENTS

1. 18 holes of golf - stroke play. No mulligans, no gimmes. Max score on any hole is double par. All other USGA rules are in effect.
2. Darts - Around the clock. 3 darts per toss. Starting with the number 1, hit each number around until 20, then you must hit either one of the bulls-eyes. Competitors should be broken into equal groups of either 3 or four and this may require a semi-final and final round. Starting order is dertermined by draw, each competitor gets their final toss.
3. Basketball shot - 7 foul shots and 3 three pointers. Shot in reverse order of current standings. 3 pointers can be taken from any spot behind the line. Foul shots are worth 2pts, behind the line is worth 3.
4. Bowling - one practice game, then one game for real. All bowling rules apply including fouls.
5. Poker - NL Holdem. Like the modern pentathalon, this in a handicapped event where the winner of the final event is the winner of the entire contest. Players will receive chips based on the overall score of the previous contests. All players get 1000 chips plus 20 chips for every point scored, plus 15 chips for every beer drank ( up to a max of 180 beer chips)...beer chips can be earned up through the first hour of the poker tourney. If there are more than 10 players there will be two tables with random draw. Tables will play down to 10 players at the final table. Blinds and format will come from http://www.homepokertourney.com/blinds.htm

Gambling is heavily encouraged.

Scoring - per event
1st - 15 points ( worth 300 chips)
2nd - 12 points
3rd - 10 points
4th - 9 points
5th - 12th - decending 8,7,6,5, etc

With the average points per contest being 7, and assuming you can drink at least 6 beers throughout the day, the average starting chip stack would be 1000 + 560 + 90 = 1650 chips. And a potential range of 1080 for someone who came in last and had no beers to 2380 for someone who won every event while consuming a twelve pack.

In the case of a tie, tied competitors will split points with the exception of a tie for first. 'Athletes' tied for first will have a playoff to determine a winner. Tie breaks are
Golf - sudden death putting contest starting at 3 feet and moving 3 feet back after each made putt. Alternating first putt
Darts - Highest total for 3 darts, both bulls worth 50.
Fouls shots - 3, three pointers from the top of the key. If ties go to sudden death alternating shot order.
Bowling - one frame sudden death.

With a Tee-off time of 8 am you should be able to follow this schedule

8-12 golf
12-1 lunch
1:30-2:30 darts
3:00 - 3:45 basketball
4:15 - 6:00 bowling
6:00 - 7:30 dinner
8:00 on is poker tourney