I'm gonna barf

A guy I work with can braid his ear hair with his moustache...it really makes me wanna vomit. He's the only person on the world who could have winterbush with an ear muff.

Trim that shit buddy.

So my son takes Karate which I am pretty sure is a well oiled scam. Every time I get the bill I think about pulling him out, he comes home all excited with a new belt and I don't have the heart. There's a belt-to-bank conspiracy that, while transparent, seems to effectively unstoppable.

So the other day he had a board breaking competition...to which I had to ask, " you can break boards ?"...I mean the kid is only 6. He's a big kid, but still...wtf. So he took out this boxing glove type thing...his board breaking glove...and demostrated for me how he smashes the boards. So I had him hit my hand a few times wearing the padded glove and he has a decent punch. I was impressed.

Now I don't know why I did the following, other than attributing it to the fact that I'm a buffoon, but I said to him, " You gotta good punch....why don't you give me a shot. " and stuck my chin out.

He laughed and tapped me on the chin.

" No, seriously, go ahead. I want you to give me your best shot. Lemme see what you got ?"

And with that the kid wound up and yelled " HI-YA!" and drilled me right on the tip of the chin with the force of a mule kick.

Remember those old TVs that your grandparents had ? The ones where when you turned it off the screen went black from the outter edges until there was a little white do in the center of the screen that went away...and how when you turned it on it did the same thing in reverse with the screen filling up from the center out ? Yeah, that pretty much is what happened to me. I was your grandma's TV.

The only thing that kept me conscious was the thought that if he knocked me totally out that there's no way that I'd ever be able to discipline the kid again. That when he's 15 and I catch him with a beer that any attempt to ground him would result in my ass kicking. For _his_ future I had to stay conscious. I'm that kind of Dad.

Despite my best attempts to look unrattled he knew he stunned me and immediately started apologizing. I think the way my right eye bulged and twitched gave me away. I played it off and told him " no worries...didn't hurt at all...great punch". I put it at 50/50 as to whether or not he bought it.

Anyway the kid stay in karate as long as he wants for now on.


The 3 day weekend went as follows:

Friday night - son knocked the shit out of me
Sat - Triathlon - 62 degree water knocked the wind out of me
Sat night - poker knocked the money out of me
Sun - beer knocked the sobriety out of me
Mon - 2 hours in the van with the kids and no air conditioning knocked the sanity out of me

Isn't life grand.

DOG WATCH UPDATE - dog still alive