my aching head

I stayed out a little to late last night and drank about two too many beers.

When I got home I tip toed around doing all the tricks I knew in order to not wake Mrs. Flick up. I was latching the door slowly, I removed my shoes for the hardwood floor, and if you walk on the outside edges of the stairs they wont creak.

When I got to the top of the landing I could see through the moonlight that the bunk beds in the girls room were empty which meant the girls were in our room. Perfect ! I could sleep in there and Mrs. Flick would have no idea what time I came home.

Slowly and silently I crept into the room, disrobed, climbed into the bottom bunk, and sat right on top of a stuffed monkey that my daughter sleeps with. The thing has a sound chip in it...." EEEEEEK ! EEEEEEEK !"

Nothing will scare a man quite like a screaming monkey in a dark room. "Ahhhhhhhhhh!" I yelped and instinctively jumped up...cracking my head on the rails of the bunk above...." dohhhhhh!".

So much for being quiet.

And I don't have a segue, so I'll just jump into this other story...

I was at my buddies place and noticed that you could see from his kitchen window into the bathroom of the house across the street..." Hey man, you can see into their can."

- Yeah, don't look over there.

Why, did you get caught peeping or something ?

- No worse. I came out here one morning to make coffee and I saw the light was on and someone over there was getting ready for work so I kinda slunked in the corner and was watching to see if I could see anything.

nice...and ?

- Well I was shitting my pants, not because I thought that they would see me, but if for some reason my wife came walking out here I really couldn't come up with a good excuse as to why i was standing in the kitchen in the dark. But then again I couldn't NOT look.

I hear you. One live naked chick with worth like a billion internet naked chicks.

- Umm, I suppose that's one way of putting it. But the point is I'm standing here for a while and was about to give up when I saw a shadow moving around.

Yeah !?

- Yeah, well the shower must have fogged up the window cause I really couldn't see much, but then they cracked open the window about 8-10 inches.

YEAH !?

- Well I couldn't exactly see from where I was, but if I got down really low on the floor I could get an angle where I could mostly see through that crack.

NICE ! Live beaver shots are worth like 100 million internet beaver shots.

- Yeah, you're kinda creeping me out with that.

I'M creeping YOU out ??? You're the one laying on his kitchen floor peering through windows.

- Good point. But let me finish. So I honker down here and I can see through the slit and it's pay dirt. Through the crack I can see the sweetest bare naked ass standing at the mirror doing something at the sink.

NICE !!!!!

- Yeah totally. So I like, THIS ROCKS !. And I'm trying to, like, throw some mojo over that way...turn around...turn around...I'm like trying to Mr. Spock mind control that shit....come on turn around...and just like that, all of a sudden, like I'm Kreskin or something, that sweet ass starts to turn around...

GET OUT !

- Yeah, that sweet ass turns ALL the way around......

Yeah !?

- ....and it had a giant penis on the other side ....... It was the dude over getting ready for work, not his wife.

AWWWWW MAN.....I think I'm going to throw up.....why would you even tell me something like that....that's fucked up.

- Hey man, I told you. Don't look over there.