Tuesday

Someone told me this morning, " You're a funny dude when your angry"

We'll then that makes me Jerry Fucking Lewis this morning.

Last night Mrs. Flick blew a car tire 5 miles from home. I drove out to help her, got the spare out, risked life and limb on the side of the highway...and....no jack. Someone took the jack out of the car. Fucking fantastic. So I sent her home and waited for AAA and had to sit there while the dude changed my tire like I was a 16 year old schoolgirl.

Soooooooo....I had no car this morning because the temp spare on the car and decided to ride my bike in. Since I'm such a fat ass lately, my bike tires are low from not being used. Of course I can't pump them up because my kids took a dime sized nut off of my floor pump and probably ate it or shoved it up the dogs ass or something...point is I had to try and pump my bike up this morning with a hand pump. After about 1000 pumps and scraping my knuckles 30 billion times I had about 40 lbs of air in the tires. I figured I'd get to work and take the thing over to the bike shop at lunch.

That was a great fucking plan, right up until I hit the rock about 3 miles into my ride.

I spent the next 45 minutes sitting at the local convenience store waiting for a ride listening to contractors solve the worlds problems while huddled around the trash can in front of the store. There's nothing quite like convenience store trash can philosophy.

abhja'ghaoiwehrtqoiehwabiegaoiewhrtoqihba3orihgaoehbirhgoiqrhgoireotihoiaer !

Ok, hopefully that got most of it out of my system.

I made it to the final 10 last night at pub poker. Then I made the mistake of trying to actually play poker. Once we got to the final 10 I thought the play would be decent. It was not.

I just got done showing 4 hands for winners....AA, full house, JJ, and a straight. So when I raised and then re-raised I though that perhaps I'd get a little respect. Unfortunately the guy I was playing against had a pair of 7s !!!!! And there's no way he was going to lay down those SEVENS !!!! That's the poker equivalent of betting on the Vikings as a three touchdown underdog because...you know...purple is your favorite color.

I have a theory that after a million years of evolution squirrels evolved a complex dodging system where they confuse their predators by zigging one way and making thier tail zag the other way. While that serves them well against shit like bobcats, foxes, and hawks....that shit is no so condusive to a middle aged mother of two driving to the grocery store. While Mom is zigging to AVOID the squirrel...the squirrel is ziggin right under the tires. I suppose another billion years of suburbia will evolve us some pretty predictable retarded squirrels.

In any event, last night I ran right under the tires.

I'll leave you with the best quote from last night:

Player 1 " I have Aces with a Jack kicker"
Player 2 " I have the Aces too but with an Eight kicker"
Old bastard player : " WELL MY DAUGHTER CAN SHOVE HER 7 4 UP HER ASS !"

Apparently 7 4 used to be his daughters favorite hand.